So you’ve decided to try BDSM. Congratulations! It’s super fun and can enhance any type of relationship, whether it’s old or new, gay or straight, polyamorous or monogamous. Here are some things you should do before you get started with the whips and chains.
Checklist
Before engaging in dominance/submission play with your partner, you should each fill out a BDSM checklist. There are many to be found online that are of varying levels of detail. This tool will help you and your partner negotiate scenes and be very clear about limits and boundaries. It can also be a great exploratory exercise to help each player define what they are into or not. You may discover something completely new about yourself! Knowing what you both are and are not into before play begins is a great idea.
Choose a Safeword
Before any scene or play session with a new partner, make sure you have a safeword. Even if you think you’re not going to need it, always have one! Safety first. It should be something you wouldn’t normally say. The word “no” is not a great safeword. “I love to use safewords that are fun like ‘Pumpkin’ or ‘Strawberry Shortcake,’” Tamara, a popular submissive on BDSMdate.com giggled. “That way, when I use it, it takes the mood from serious to silly, and makes us laugh before we get back into the play.” Some people use the “Red, Yellow, Green” system, whre red means stop, yellow means slow down, and green means go for it.
Save BDSM for the 2nd or 3rd Date
Try to get to know a play partner a little bit before delving deep into any hard BDSM play. Meet up at first in a public place, and have a more traditional date. That way, you can decide if they’re someone you even want to share your deeper desires with. It also gives you time to suss out the level of exploration that you both are interested in. You may only want to try some light bondage, but your date may be looking for a partner to humiliate them. BDSM is a broad spectrum.
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