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BDSM: Experimentation vs. Lifestyle

Dominant Woman on Man

Before writing posts for Kink Lovers, I didn’t know a whole lot about bdsm, or kink for that matter. I had been in a long-term relationship with a vanilla sex kind of guy, so I kept most of my sexual fantasies to myself. I remember being worried about how or what he would think about a grown woman who wanted to pretend she was bad schoolgirl in need of a spanking. And that was just the tip of my fantasy iceberg.

Since then I’ve learned a lot, not only from writing for this blog, but also by staying single or in open relationships that have nurtured my naughty experimental side. Now, it’s hard to imagine living my whole life having mundane, same-old same-old sex.

And I don’t think I’m that kinky, just open to trying new things with partners I trust. That being said, I can be surprised that the time it takes to trust someone enough to engage in bdsm activities can vary greatly from person to person. It’s something inexplicable, but some men (or women) just have an innate ability to make others feel sexually comfortable. Although I’m open to many things, there are still kinks I have no desire to try such as fisting, suspension play, or ball gags. Maybe I’m vanilla kink, haha.

These thoughts made me think that there’s a big difference between bdsm experimentation and lifestyle. I definitely couldn’t see myself living in a bdsm-centric relationship. With some lovers, after much role playing, I’ve worried that if we went back to “vanilla sex” that he would find it boring. That’s why I like to ease into kink with new partners. It helps to build trust slowly, and at the same time keeps a bit of mystery by not putting all my cards of the bed.

Although I can be sexually adventurous, I also want my old fashioned cuddles on the couch from time to time. Do you prefer to experiment with bdsm or to live the lifestyle? Please leave a comment!

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