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Finding a Vanilla-Kink Balance in Your Relationship

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As someone who lived a very vanilla existence until a few years ago, it was easy to want to explore bdsm and kink at high speed. I’ve slowed down and there’s still things I never want to try, but I learned something valuable in my last relationship. That sometimes kink can actually get boring. I’ll explain.

The sex with S. started off fairly routine as new relationships often do. We started talking dirty which graduated to pretend play (I was a patient to his doctor), and then came the cuffs and belt. It was a natural progression looking back. We often took time to talk about our sexual proclivities and our limits. It was fun. But somewhere along the line a few things got dropped, like the cuddles and kissing, and even orgasms! I don’t need to come every single time, but I want it to be my partner’s aim each and every time.

I think the danger with bdsm and kink exploration is that the level of what turns a partner on can keep raising to the point where some basics become forgotten because they want to get to the “good stuff” so fast. It’s like a vanilla who forgets about foreplay and wants to go straight for the honey.

So here’s a few tips to help find a balance to keep your kinky sex-style from imploding…

Explore Your Kinks and Fetishes Slowly
Kinky Play can become like a runaway snowball if you do too much with a new partner too fast. You don’t need to haul out the toy box and dump it on the bed the first night. In fact I recommend leaving toys out of the equation until you become an expert on the map of your partner’s body.

Keep Affection and Cuddles in the Mix
This may depend on your d/s relationship, but it’s hard to believe any person doesn’t enjoy the embrace or affectionate touch of a loved one. Aftercare with subs is a perfect time to connect . Without this way of bonding, sex can begin to feel meaningless and even a turn off.

Be Intimate without Sex
If you do have a very involved, complex sex life that focuses on your individual and collective kinks, you’ll want to have intimacy outside the bedroom for balance. There are many ways to bond without sex or even touching, and this will keep you connected.

Read: How to Compromise with a Kinky Lover

Do you struggle to find balance in your kinky relationships?

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