Just the Tips

Find Your Kink in the Fridge

Cucumbers with Condoms

We all remember the great scene in Last Tango in Paris where Marlon Brando commands his young, French lover to “go get the butter.”  As great a lubricant as this can be, there’s no shortage of other items that can be found in the kitchen to add to the flavor of your fun.

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An Old famous standby is strawberries and whipped cream. Anywhere the cream can go, the tongue can follow and clean it from the body. The strawberries add for an extra sensation as they dip into the deposits of cream, wherever they may be. Plus, let’s face it, feeding somebody a strawberry is just naturally sexy.

What you can do with cream, you can also do with chocolate, icing, honey, molasses… whatever your taste may be. If you can pour or spread it, you can clean it off somehow. Turn your lover into a Superbowl dip, and invite friends over to eat three layers of guacamole, salsa, and nacho cheese from her body.

Insertion, insertion, insertion. Some people like to put a condom on their cucumber before it goes in anywhere, and you should put one on if you plan to eat it afterwards. Carrots, eggplants (for the adventurous and stretchy), basically anything that can fit in the body. Try popping cherry tomatoes out of a pussy, or hard boiled eggs (peeled) out of an ass. It’s a real showstopper!

Turn your lover into a fountain of fun. Use a funnel to fill her pussy with whole milk and her ass cavity with orange juice. Then tie her up on a swivel and let her rotate around and around while the liquids jet out of her holes. 

Who needs a girlfriend when you have a roast honey ham? Just cut a slit in there, warm it up to body temperature, and have at it. You can even pin a picture of Scarlett Johansson to the top, and you’ll never even know you’re not getting it on with the real McCoy. If you do have a girlfriend, try wrapping her in ham before you make sweet love to her. You never know how this might change your relationship.

People keeping kosher can easily substitute roast beef brisket for ham. Vegetarians can try to use tofu, although I’m not sure if vegetarians have sex… I expect they are probably too weak from a lack of protein.

What kinky foods do you have in your fridge right now?

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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