Just the Tips

How to Choose a Good Safeword

Woman with Wrists Tied

So you’re new to kink and thinking about trying your hand at a little BDSM. You’re about to step into territory that, if not properly done (or if overdone, or painfully done) could send you to the nearest emergency room.

Worse still: you may never wanna try these things again. That would be a shame.

In order to play rough without bruises and fissures, a SAFEWORD is your best friend.

Safeword: a word predetermined by both/all sex partners that, when spoken, brings all play to an immediate halt.

Not as obvious as you might think. Consider this:

You’re strapped-in, offering yourself up as a submissive, taking whippings and fists, role playing the pain. All of a sudden the pain is real. You shout “Stop!” but the whipping continues, along with the pain —because “Stop!” sounds like just the kind of thing we’d expect to hear from a role-playing BDSM bottom.

Lesson learned: stop is probably the least effective word to shout when you actually want someone to stop during a BDSM session. In that context, stop can suggest “More, please!”

Using that logic, you can imagine why you’d want to stay away from words like:

Fuck! No! Don’t! Hurt! Ouch! God! Help!

Best to follow this simple rule: If you’d ever use it during sex, then it’s a shitty safeword. Only choose words that breakdown the sexual context.

As ridiculous as they may sound, you’ll want something as far-out as these words in order to bring the action to a grinding halt:

Pomegranate! School bus! Toast! Shark attack! Toenail! Lemonade!

Whatever your safeword, you and yours MUST practice it and know it well before playtime starts. Otherwise it’ll be the emergency room staff who pulls the cucumber out of your arse at three in the morning!

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Care to share some safewords you’ve had with your lovers?

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