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Introducing Kink to a Lover

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A lot of couples enjoy vanilla sex for years before realizing there might be something more to explore in the bedroom. And it’s often one partner who has an inclination for bdsm activities first. The problem is . . . how do you introduce these fantasies and ideas to a partner. That initial conversation sometimes never happens as it’s too uncomfortable and the individual worries what their partner is going to think.

How to Open Up and Introduce Kink to a Lover

1. Learn a Little. Bdsm is much more common than most people think. Just because people don’t talk about it in everyday conversation, doesn’t mean it’s not happening. To learn more, check out Kink Academy for online tutorials and discussions. This may help your comfortability on the subject before approaching a lover.

2. Talk about sex. Some couples never talk about sex in or outside the bedroom. You may want to start small and just open those gates to communication rather than ask right away if she wants to be tied up and spanked. She might wonder what’s got into you, but I think she’ll enjoy this new you.

3. Make it fun. Talking about sex shouldn’t be clinical. Make a game out of introducing one another to your inner desires. Suggest writing a list of your fantasies and things you would like to try for the first time. Then take turns reading out your list and watch your partner’s reactions. Talk about your feelings and ideas around each fantasy. Does the fantasy turn you on, make you afraid, disgust you – and why?

4. Start Slow. Prioritize what fantasies you want to try the most. Let her choose as this will make her feel in control and comfortable. Talk about safe words that you will both use and adhere to. Maybe you want to tie her up, but she’s not feeling it. You can suggest she ties you up first. Always be open to adjusting a new activity to your lover’s comfort level. Bdsm is all about building trust while exploring your limits. It takes time.

5. Begin with the Basics. Don’t ask your lover right away if you can strap her down and put a ball gag in her mouth while you do her from behind. Expecting too much right away will probably blow your chance of trying anything new. I suggest beginner bondage where she’s tied lightly and feels that she can untie herself if she wants. Spanking is another place to start as it can be playful before it becomes painful.

6. Respect the Pace. The worst thing you can do is be pushy with a partner in bed. You may be ready to jump right into your fantasies, but your lover may be terrified. We all come from different sexual backgrounds and beliefs about varying practices. If you respect where your partner is, let them take the lead and dictate pacing, then things should progress well. Patience is essential and ultimately rewarded when introducing kink into a relationship.

7. Shop Together. Whether online or at a local sex shop, take this opportunity to learn and see what’s out there. If you’re new to bdsm you’ll discover toys and equipment you never knew existed. And this exploration will give you new ideas and activities to try. Buying surprise toys for each other is another way to add excitement and share personal fantasies.

Are you ready to introduce kink to your lover?

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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