Q & A

Confessions of an Online Dominatrix

Dominatrix

Interview with a Dominatrix: what it’s all about, how it works, and how to find a domme

After graduating from art school, my friend Aurora* took on an unlikely job to help keep her afloat until she figured out what to do with her life. Aurora was whip smart, totally gorgeous with long dark hair, and as kinky as they come. By the time she confided in me that she’d been working online as a dominatrix, she’d already been doing it for three months.

Fast forward three years and guess what? Aurora figured out that being an online dominatrix was exactly the job for her. “Who would ever think that you could indulge in fantasy for a living?” I asked Aurora questions that I thought Kink Lovers readers might be interested in, and I have to admit, I was curious myself!

You originally kept what you do a secret. Do you tell most people now?
I was still unsure of myself back then, she shares. I didn’t want to tell people right away because I wanted time to feel it out without any outside input. It was amazing to discover how natural the role was and still is for me. I’m not a lifestyle domme but I do feel that the work is an extension of my personality and there’s nothing artificial about it. Because of that I have no shame and nothing to hide. So yes, most people in my life know exactly who I am and what I do. Just not all the details.

How did you become an online dominatrix?
I actually found the ad in a weekly paper. I went in for an interview at a large downtown office space and was given a tour. They had more than 15 rooms filled with attractive women chatting on webcams and performing all-request shows for clients paying by the minute. Towards the back of the building was a room dressed-up to look like a dungeon. It had faux stone walls as a backdrop and a St. Andrew’s cross. I know that sounds a bit cheesy, but when I saw that room I knew it was something I wanted to try.

What goes on between an online domme and her sub?
A good session is very much about the mental experience because I obviously can’t have direct contact with the submissive. I have a client who is very imaginative and enjoys having a full scene created where we add things such as bondage and flogging, but it’s all happening in the mind. That kind of play can be very exciting. For another one of my slaves it’s more of a literal experience, where I talk to him straight from the camera and take control of the situation, commanding his full attention. At that point I may direct him in specific activities, or instruct him to inflict punishments on himself. In this way, physical pain is still an option. Clients will have all sorts of bdsm possiblities around their homes to be used in a session. The scenarios that can be played out on a webcam and audio can be much more elaborate that you might imagine.

Have any of your clients tried to reverse the power dynamic?
It happens all too often, but mainly because of the venue. As a dominatrix who works for a website that also provides chatrooms with models doing all-request shows for clients, it’s not uncommon that some guy will pop up in my room and have no idea what he’s getting himself into. Sometimes he’s just curious, but sometimes a man decides that he’s there to dominate ME! The dungeon room attracts many male doms who are eager to have their way with me but it doesn’t take long for them to understand that my room is a place where I’m the one in control. Some women will switch their role for a client because they’re there to make money, but that’s not something I’m comfortable with.

Are you a dominatrix offline as well?
Not in any professional capacity. I’m in a relationship right now and my partner is definitely my submissive in the bedroom, but we don’t subscribe to that dynamic elsewhere. He calls me his dominatrix and I like that. Between our escapades and the hours I put in at work five days a week, my desire to dominate is fulfilled. And there is definitely an exhaustion element because this type of work can be emotionally draining. It’s very much a mental exercise.

Where can someone find an online dominatrix?
There are some dommes working online with their own websites from their home or studio. And there are also big cam sites that offer multiple rooms of dominant women such as Flirt4Free and ImLive. But do be aware: cam sites are always looking to hire new “models” and many times women who are not dominant end up working in the dungeon or get labeled as a dominatrix. It’s a shame because it takes a certain personality and skill set to offer a true domination experience. Also, many of the women on kinky cam sites are there to explore fetish, but aren’t necessarily prepared to dominate a man properly. This is why someone looking for an online dominatrix should shop around, so to speak, and the sites with many rooms make that much easier. Finding a good fit is important.

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Have you ever considered becoming or had an experience with an online dominatrix? Do you think it could be as good as the real thing? Share you comments below!

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