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Coming Out of the Kink Closet

Man Hiding in Closet

Some people never come out of the kink closet, that is, either stray from vanilla sex or talk about their kinky fetish bdsm lives except with other kinksters. I feel like I’m still in the closet, but… I’ve opened the door and let a few people in. Let me explain. When I was married, I was straight up vanilla, not that I wanted to be. I had plenty of fantasies, but my husband was a missionary man with little imagination, and I wasn’t comfortable telling him I wanted to try bondage and a little spanking. Oh well, we had plenty of other problems that ended things…

After my divorce, actually, as soon as I separated, I joined online dating sites to talk to men and eventually meet them. It was a slow process and a huge learning curve. How much can I tell a stranger? Can I be completely honest? I created profiles on both vanilla and kink dating sites just to see what was what. Funny thing is, I think everyone has a kinky side, it’s just how much one is willing to share and explore in pursuit of satisfying desires.

Finding like-minded people on these sites really was the fast-track to doing this. I thought… you could spend weeks, maybe months dating someone before feeling open enough to share your kink only to risk scaring them off, OR you can cut to the chase and make a kink profile that just puts it all out there.

The idea of how a lover or friends may react to your kink can keep you in the closet indefinitely.

When I talk to others about Kink Lovers, I get all sorts of reactions. And it’s not that I tell every tom, dick, and harry that I write for a bdsm blog, but it does come up in conversation at times. Guys either think it’s funny (usually my friends), or they think I’m some hot dominatrix under my all-business exterior. There’s not much in between. Even when I try to explain that it’s part of my sexual exploration, they still think I’m some kind of crazy wild woman. I don’t talk about the blog writing as much anymore because I don’t like the preconceived notions it provokes.

Alas, I continue on the journey… 

Check out: Introducing Kink to a Lover

How open are you about your kinky ways?

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