BDSM Scene Negotiations

Meeting someone online for BDSM activities can be daunting and requires more preparation than your average date. When you find someone you’re interested in “playing with”, you will want and need to communicate your fantasies and desires and to ask intimate questions about theirs.

It may seem a little probing, but it’s necessary to dig a little into the mind of your kinky new friend. Think of it as a type of foreplay. You want to learn their dirty little secrets, what they are afraid of, what they are dying to try, and what they’re willing to do to get what they crave.

Focus on the experiences they’ve already had and what they’re looking for now.

Questions you may want to ask before “scening” with a new partner.

1.  Do you have a special name, what you like to be called?
2.  Are you involved with someone already? Do they know you are out playing?
3.  What activities are you interested in?
4.  What are your limits? Do you use safe words to express these limits?
5.  Do you have medical issues that I need to be aware of? Are you on any medication?
6.  Do you have any injuries? Places you can’t be hit?
7.  How do feel about marks being left on your body?
8.  Do you prefer music being played in the background?
9.  Do you usually need aftercare following a scene, what kind?
10. Do you prefer to be nude, clothed, or in costume during a scene?
11. How much communication do you like?
12. Are there any fears or phobias I should be aware of?

These are are only guidelines and a place to start when negotiating a scene with someone new. Bring your own idiosyncrasies and curiosities into a dialogue with possible partners.

Kink Lovers: Any suggestions for negotiating scenes?

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