My first dream orgasm happened when I was seventeen, before I’d lost my virginity. I’d say it put me on the path of masturbation, and  I’ve never looked back. Touching ourselves feels good, real good.

What exactly happens, you ask? It usually starts in REM sleep or when you are flat out. I’m a vivid dreamer who often wakes from scenes and think things actually happened. Of course, the dream always has a sexual element, and often something I wouldn’t normally be involved in (although I am trying to change that) with a voyeuristic trend. I might be off to the side watching two or more people fucking and it will get me hot so fast. I’ve even dream I am with other women. Hmmm.

The scene will continue while I start touching my body, rubbing my breasts and fingering myself. My breath quickens, and I begin sweating. This is when I open my eyes and realize I’d been asleep. Sometimes my moaning wakes me. The only thing to do at this point  is to make myself come, which never takes long.

Dream therapist Gayle Delaney reports that she has “never heard a woman tell about an orgasmic dream that was not pleasurable”. I can attest to that. None of my women friends have had similar experiences, although they wish they had.

I’ve noticed that I have more of these experiences when I’m getting a lot of real-life sex. The more I have; the more I want. I’m a greedy girl! I don’t have these wake-to-sex dreams when a man is sleeping in my bed, although it would be nice to have a cock handy to help finish myself off.

1. Doctor/Patient
Your patient has come to you with worries that something isn’t working down there. She hasn’t been able to get wet in a long time, no matter who she’s with. You ask her what she thinks you can do to help, and she suggests you take a look down there. You’re only too eager to oblige, but still hesitate, you wouldn’t want to seem unprofessional. A thorough examination follows.

2. Real Estate Agent/Client
Your client has come to the house for a tour and is very interested in what you have to offer. She dresses sexy and suggestive, no panties under her fitted skirt. Her see through blouse is unbuttoned low. You give her a tour, room to room, explaining the benefits each one has to offer as a sexual playground. After you’ve shown her the layout, you ask her which room interests her the most.

3. Teacher/Student
Your student has come to your office after hours displeased with her mark. She worked very very hard on her paper and you refuse to change it. She breaks down in tears, and pleads with you. She will do anything for you to change her mind. Anything? You act offended that she thinks you would sleep with a student, but you can’t help yourself. Try reversing roles.

4. Fitness Instructor/Client
She has come to the studio in a very skimpy outfit, short shorts and a teeny t-shirt. She’s already sweating before you begin. She’s complained about her lack of flexibility and you are more than helpful with stretches and bends. Your hands run themselves along her warm, lithe limbs. You suggest she take off her shirt, so you can make sure she is using the right muscles.

5. Photographer/Model
A housewife has come to your studio to take photos in lingerie to give her husband, hoping to spice up her marriage. She’s brought a teddy to wear, but you suggest a few things you have on hand – a lace bra and thong. She reluctantly agrees. While taking pictures, you encourage poses, each sexier than the next. Her repressed needs can’t be denied as she eventually becomes naked, encouraging you to pose with her.

Kinks: What’s your favorite role to play?

And you can build your own Fleshlight – choosing which inner sleeve you want (each designed to feel different on your shaft,) as well as the appearance – pussy, mouth or asshole.  After scanning the site and jerking it to the photos there (best internet shopping experience ever!) I instead selected one of the “Fleshlight Girls” toys.  It gives regular Joes like myself the closest possible experience to fucking a porn star, this wonderful toy has been designed by molding the pussies of actual porn stars!  Just like action figures, you can collect every one, until you’re fucking the entire casting couch – uh – cast!

I settled on Stoya’s vagina (loved her video!) which comes with the Lotus inner sleeve.  The description of the Lotus’s realistic feel convinced me: “Beginning with our smooth ultra tight entry, then blossoming into a slightly wider, more comfortable canal, the Lotus is exactly like its human counterpart.”  That’s the whole point, right?  To simulate the real thing?

I dropped my drawers and slathered on a bit of lube – again, going for as close to the real thing as I can get.  It’s weird, putting your dick in something that feels like a vagina while holding something that feels, well…dick-ish.  I wish the encasement came with big, bubbly ass cheeks you could grab onto while thrusting happily away…are you listening, Fleshlight scientists?  Slap a little dolphin tattoo on one of those buns and I’m in heaven.

According to Wikipedia, the Fleshlight’s designer, Steve Shubin, claimed his patent was for “discreet semen collection.”  The Fleshlight definitely carried my load!  Apparently, the material that makes up the pretty realistic-feeling “flesh” inside the Fleshlight’s tube is a top-secret blend of medical and food-grade polymers.  And you can definitely feel for yourself that a lot of thought and design went into trying to replicate the sensation of plunging head-first into a soft, tight pussy.  Bravo!

Click here to order the Fleshlight Now

Over the winter, I let my paint chip and the nails grow longer than usual. I know there are a lot of men with foot fetishes out there so I like to be prepared. When I was younger, I’ll admit, I thought it was a little strange, but now I think it’s fun, something to enjoy. The first man I dated with the fetish wasn’t shy about it at all. He wanted to suck, lick, play with, and fondle my toes between his balls. I preferred being in the tub if he wanted them in his mouth. I worried they might smell, but maybe the scent turned him on too. My second ‘footie’ massaged my feet everywhere we went – on the bus, on a patio, in the park. I miss that for sure. He said he would masturbate to pictures of my feet I’d sent him.

I wouldn’t say I have a fetish for feet, but I did give my ex-husband a couple of pedicures after I got scratches from his nails in bed. He was surprised and pleased with the transformation. I even shaved his scraggly toe hair, yet he was unwilling to keep it up on his own. Maybe my next foot lover will give me a pedicure.

This fetish is common, so it’s not surprising to learn that many famous folk worship(ped) feet – Casanova, Thomas Hardy, Elvis, James Joyce, Andy Warhol, Quentin Tarantino, Dita Von Teese, Ludacris, and Jack Black.

Check out this video to see up-close shots of starlets’ feet:

If you have a foot fetish, where did it originate? What is your biggest turn on?

1. Elevator: Press STOP and hope security doesn’t bust you before you get off! The chance you might get caught in the act is part of the fun.

2. Bush: Wander off into the woods and get a little down and dirty, but watch for poison ivy. Ouch.

3. Car: A steamy and challenging experience. Angle for a unique position. Let this be a spontaneous experience, maybe in the grocery store parking lot.

4. Movie Theatre: All eyes are on the screen. If you want more seclusion, opt for a matinee. Take it one step further and film your own tryst.

5. Amusement Park: Can you make her come before the end of the ride? Ferris Wheel and the old school Love Tunnel rides are the best.

6. IKEA showroom: Test-drive their couch, for real! This could be illegal so be careful. Hot sex is worth anything, but not being arrested.

7. Library: Read erotic literature to get each other in the mood. Shh, don’t forget to keep it down.

8. Canoe: The sound of water lapping up against the canoe is sure to get her wet. This is definitely a trick undertaking; you want to rock her world, not the boat.

9. Cave: Take a detour while touring and get primitive. I’d suggest avoiding getting it on in a super tight space, could get stuck and stranded.

10. Bar Washroom: Do it in the Men’s, your buds won’t tell anyone, in fact, they’ll probably cheer you on.

How many on this list have you tried? Any other great suggestions?

Before I separated from my husband, my girlfriend invited me out to see a cover band at our local bar. I hadn’t seen a band in years and forgot how fun it could be. We drank shots, danced, and I even got up the nerve to send a drink to the cute guitar player. He came over to have a chat between sets and asked what I was doing after the show. Was hooking up that easy? My girlfriend always talked about online dating and how it was like choosing from a buffet, that she liked it because it gave her more control in choosing who she wanted to be with.

After the show, Jimmy the guitar guy invited me backstage for drinks. My friend went home with the drummer and I ended up in the band van. How 80s! He undressed me slowly, nothing my husband had ever done, and asked if he could tie me up with his guitar cables. I have to admit, I was a bit anxious but I was so turned on by his confidence and experience I went for it. Wow! I was restrained but I couldn’t have felt more free. I had an affair and I didn’t care. I knew this was the beginning of the end of my marriage, and also the beginning of experimentation.

Since then I joined the site bdsmdate.com. I’ve had a few chats, but nothing too wild, yet! What kind of kink do you love?

If you are considering taking one in the butt, but you want to ease into it (pun totally intended,) I suggest the following resources to loosen you up (har har!):

Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples by Jack Morin, Ph.D. This book is simply the best user guide to your butt you’ll ever find.  Morin is smart and a straight talker, covering everything from digestive health to the poo taboo, and how to include the anus in your masturbation routine.  Everyone who’s even slightly curious about anal eroticism should read this indispensable book cover to cover before diving in.  Incidentally, it’s written for a broad audience – givers and receivers – so if you’re looking to stick it in, and you’ve got a special someone in mind on the receiving end, this’ll help you both to nail it.

Anal Advisor – This advice column by Tristan Taormino (sex educator and feminist pornographer extraordinaire) covers every issue and question imaginable.  Granted, a lot of the questions are from men who want to butt fuck their female partners, but most of the answers she gives are suitable for either gender.  Lots of relevant information here!

Lube – you’re gonna need this, and lots of it.  Get a lube that’s got a thicker texture, so it doesn’t dry out quickly.  My favorite has always been good ol’ Astroglide. Remember: your ass doesn’t create a lot of natural lubricant like a vagina does, so without lube, no one’s having any fun at all.

Butt Plugs – As Morin suggests in his book, it’s important to get to know your own body by yourself before inviting someone else in.  Try playing with a small plug in the shower, or while you’re jerking off.  The Fun Factory Bootie Plug  and the Slim Butt Plug are great bets for beginners.

Anal beads – These are fun to play and experiment with, and they can lend themselves to an incredible orgasm, and get you used to having something moving around up there.  Use them while masturbating: once you start to get turned on, lube these suckers up and push them in your ass one by one until you’re happy with how many you’ve got – then pull them out by the handle slowly right as you’re climaxing.  POW!  Fun Factory’s Flexi Felix Anal Beads  are not only cute but great fun, and easy to clean, too.

Enema kits – Again, it’s nice to remove as much unpleasantness as possible from the act so you can decide if you’re really down or not.  Don’t use the laxative that comes with the kit – just rinse out the plastic bottle, and use plain warm water – nothing else. When you do partner up, you’ll probably be using these – easily found at any drug store  - to clean up there a few hours beforehand, so why not become an expert first?

There’s a whole world of exploration out there once you guys have discovered massaging your prostates.  Just take your time, and play with yourself, a lot: anal sex, like any other kind, is ultimately supposed to be fun and feel good!

• You want more attention
• You want to share your mad skills
• You want to experiment with your sexuality
• You want to break from a boring routine
• You want to spice up your current relationship
• You want to learn new skills
• You want to move outside society’s sexual norms
• You want to live out a fantasy

Notice all the wants in this list. Having a threesome is definitely something you must want to happen. If you are feeling unsure or hesitant you are not ready and you probably won’t have an enjoyable experience. Group sex isn’t for everyone. Maybe all the kink you need is with one other person. I’ve had a few threesomes and they only get better because I understand my motivations and my only expectation is to have fun.

Bad Motivations:

• You are afraid of being seen as prudish if you don’t
• You are trying to make someone fall in love with you
• You are doing it to please someone else
• You are trying to make someone jealous
• You are trying to win someone back
• You are afraid of being dumped if you don’t

Most of these motivations circle around fear—of losing someone, or not getting someone, or not being seen the way you’d like to be. Fear can never be a motivating factor to have a threesome. This is how the third wheel goes flat.

So what’s a munch? Sounds a bit kinky but it’s actually less kinky than most bdsm activites. It’s a social meeting for those in the bdsm community to get together in a casual, public setting and have open discussion and socialize with new and old friends. These prearranged gatherings usually take place in a restaurant and are a great way to meet people in the community, learn more if you are new or just curious, or  give and receive advice. Generally people will not be wearing fetish attire or engaging in BDSM play but this is not a fast rule. BDSM munches can vary widely and reflect the group that attends them.

The term comes from ‘burger munch’, after an early manifestation of munches in Palo Alto, California which took place at a burger restaurant. That was one of the originals which you can read more about on the munch wiki page which has some great information on the development of munches.

Want to find and attend a munch near you? The internet will help you! Simply do a google search, something like: Munch New York, or Munch Portland, or wherever you are. I had more success with this method than trying to find a resource that listed them all.

If you plan to find a munch near you and attend for the first time I suggest you check out the link below first..

A Beginner’s Guide To Munches
This is a fantastic article with lots of details and specifics. What to wear, what to expect, etiquette, etc.

Want to Start Your Own?
How to Start a Successful BDSM Club

Kink Dating is one of those sites in my roster of fetish dating hangouts. Not as full featured as BDSM Date but there’s lots of people here that I haven’t found at the other sites. It seems to me that KinkDating.com attracts more users who aren’t as established or entrenched in the community. I’m talking about people who are looking to try something new or explore a fetish they have neglected for too long. Some people are tired of  vanilla sex and are now ready to admit their kink to themselves and others and finally try living out the fantasy for reals.

free full memberships for women means a much better than average women:men ratio!

For those of you considering joining KinkDating I’ll give you a rundown of the join process. It’s a bit lengthy but this is the case with all dating sites as they need a decent amount of info to create a profile of you that will actually get some attention from other members. And please, upload a photo! I guarantee you will get way more action this way.

Once you are settled in start searching and suss out how many potential dates are in your vicinity. Most of the members on the site are in North America but their UK market is fast growing. The full range of features is only available to paying members but Kink Dating is one of the most competitively priced of all the sites out there at only 29.99 a month. Go for the full membership and you get unlimited messaging with other members. If you go for the 3 month or year long packages you get a nice discount as well.

What can you get for free? The best free feature at this site is the message boards which are open to ALL members. You’ll often find the most active members here, flirting or trying to set things up with anyone who’ll respond. It’s a good place for general discussion as well. You can also search the members for free even though you need to upgrade to contact them. This is good because you can see if there’s anyone of interest to you before you decide to take the plunge. And get this.. it’s totally free for women! This is good for us ladies and trust me guys, it works very much in your favor as well – free full memberships for women means a much better than average women:men ratio!

So all in all, I do recommend getting the free membership because you’ve got nothing to lose, and potentially a lot to gain. I do hang out there every so often, have gone on some great dates, and overall it’s worthwhile for me to maintain my profile there.

Create Your Free Profile at Kink Dating Now