Kinky Confessions

Kinky Confessions: Writing a BDSM Profile

Sexy Woman on Laptop

The following was submitted to our kinky confession column:

“I’m a 65-year-old retired teacher. I would like to meet a submissive female who would submit to a complete shave from head to toe and who would enjoy sex in every position. Must be between 40-50 years and reside in Alexandria, Washington DC or Arlington. Must be drug and disease free, and very discreet.”

Although it reads more like a dating profile (this blog is not a bdsm dating site), it did have me thinking about the art of writing a great bdsm profile that will attract the women you want but won’t turn off any potential partners. It’s a fine line…

I’m going to break down this confession to help readers see what works and what doesn’t.

Positives

  1. He is open and honest about age (we hope). It’s not only the younger crowd who is into kink, so don’t be shy about your age.

  2. He clearly states what kink he’s in to; he wants a d/s relationship. He likes variety when it comes to sexual positions, and he has a shaving/hairless fetish.

  3. He gives more specifics on age, proximity of dating zone, his drug policy, and his need for discretion.

What is written sounds like it comes from a dominant, ha!

Negatives

  1. He shares fantasies and fetishes. Sometimes women don’t want to know about your specific kink until there is a little back and forth. If it’s not a deal breaker, you may want to wait until you’ve met online first to let the kinks out of the bag.

  2. He gives a specific age range. This can be quite limiting if you include it in a profile. What if the perfect gal for this guy is 39 or 51. Would she reply? The “must be” would likely prevent her from sending a message.

  3. He mentions discretion, but this is almost always a must in any bdsm relationship and can be brought up in an online conversation once a woman replies. “Must be discreet” may read as already in a relationship, and again, prevent a woman from responding.

There is some overlap between the positives and negatives which makes writing a bdsm profile challenging. The main issue with this profile was that it was overly specific. If a woman doesn’t feel that she meets all of a man’s qualifications, she is unlikely to put herself out there. Too many “must be”s makes a potential partner feel inadequate. So while you want to share enough about yourself and what your bdsm proclivities are, be open by using “I” statements (e.g. I enjoy…, I’m into…), rather than “must be” statements. It’s a simple fix that will go a long way in boosting your online dating responses.

If you have any tips for writing dating profiles, please leave a comment?

Kinky Confessions is a regular post on Kink Lovers. We want readers to share their own tantalizing tales of kink, fetish, and fantasy. SUBMIT YOUR STORY HERE!

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Tell us what you think!

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