In the sometimes harsh world of online dating, prepare to be judged! How to avoid turning off prospective lovers…
This is going to be kind of a personal post. I’ve recently jumped back into the unpredictable waters of online dating after a year of dating someone. I decided to write a new profile from scratch, add entirely new photos, and see if I could start over, (again), and meet some amazing new partners.
I always find that when I get back into online dating it is highly addictive at first. I know this sounds horrible, but it feels like “man shopping”! I can spend hours perusing the profiles of local men. After so many years of this I’ve developed a keen eye for my own personal turn ons and turn offs, before the messaging has even begun. Of course there is always the obvious, but it’s with experience that I’ve begun to detect more subtle clues in a profile that will let me know a guy just isn’t for me.
I’ll admit, as a woman on a dating site it is easier for me to be extra picky, because men do more of the messaging and often there are more men overall. But there is always value in honing in on what you like and also what you don’t like. If this helps anyone refine their profile then that is great, but if not then we’ll just consider this an exercise in narcissism. 😉
My Top Dating Profile Turn Offs
All your photos are travel photos.
While you may think this is the most impressive thing you could impart, the fact that you are well travelled is actually so tired because every other guy that’s been on vacation is selling himself the same way. I’m more interested in who you are, than where you’ve been.
Way too detailed.
What the hell are we going to talk about on the first date, let alone the rest of the year? If you are detailing every little project you are working on, listing all 200 of your favorite bands, and describing your precise workout in your profile, I’m going to suspect you’re one of those guys who will never shut up about himself and never asks questions about me.
Not enough detail.
So, you like eating at restaurants, try to stay in shape, and watch TV sometimes? Oh, and you’re also very down to earth, like to travel (see above), and consider yourself funny? First of all, if you consider yourself funny then write a funny profile instead of trying to convince me. Secondly, you just told me that you’re basically the same guy as 60% of the other guys on this site. What makes you different? What am I even supposed to comment on if I send you a message? – “Hi, did you see the last episode of Game of Thrones?”
You’re too specific about your type.
While I do think it’s important to outline what you’re looking for, particularly what kind of relationship you want, it’s definitely possible to go overboard here. While you may have a thing for redheaded dancers, letting it be known that you desire something so specific can turn off those who don’t meet your exact criteria. You’re probably willing to meet other types, so don’t dissuade the cute blonde tennis player from contacting you.
Photos that are worse than travel photos.
We all know about the profile pic clichés such as the one of you standing in front of your bathroom mirror shooting a selfie with your shirt off. Please… don’t. If you really, really need us to see your abs then either be creative about it by using that photo from the time you were chopping wood shirtless (oh please do!), or use a photo where the context makes sense – like a day on the beach. Also, when you use deliberately unflattering photos of yourself making some horrible face, it’s not funny… it’s just unflattering. Oh, and the WORST photo a guy can use is the one where he’s obviously cropped out another woman. I get that this is the best photo of you in a tie, but all it makes me think about is “WHO is that woman?”, or that someday it could be ME cropped out of pictures uploaded to dating sites.
You don’t have any photos at all.
And expect me to start messaging with you before you’ll send them to my email address. You are NOT getting my email address before I even know what you look like. I know that makes me sound shallow and superficial, but I don’t think there’s many guys out there that would be into this scenario either. Some guys tell me they are doctors and don’t want their patients seeing them. If it’s a bdsm dating site I get that. But if it’s a vanilla relationship site then I have news for you, the online dating stigma is over.
Too much complaining or negativity.
The cynic in you isn’t nearly as charming as you think. Occasional venting to your partner is something we all expect and accept once we’re in a relationship, but please don’t subject me to it before we’ve even met. This one feels a little hypocritical right now, as I’m ranting about how much your profile sucks. Oops!
What do you think are the worst habits in profile writing? Or conversely, what makes an awesome profile? Share in the comments please!