Am I A Nympho?

Look, I’m not going to pretend I don’t love this job. I’ve enjoyed writing and telling stories since I was a kid, and there are few things in this life – besides roller coasters – that can rival my enjoyment of sex. I spend all this time writing blog posts about sex, and while I never seem to run out of things to say on the subject,  my utter and complete absorption in the topic has got me wondering: Am I normal?  Is this interest actually an obsession? Am I a nymphomaniac?

Like any good half-assed journalist, I went to a tried and true source looking for answers. When you type “nymphomania” into Wikipedia, you get redirected to a page called “hypersexuality.” So it appears there’s a more sensitive term for this condition now. The wise team of contributors that makes up Wikipedia state that hypersexuality is defined by “extremely frequent or suddenly increased sexual urges or sexual activity.” Though the cause is technically unknown, since it’s linked with lowered sexual inhibitors, fingers have been pointed at drug and alcohol use, as well as bipolar disorder.

The American Psychiatric Association has yet to classify hypersexuality as a psychiatric disorder, the WHO (World Health Organization) includes “Excessive Sexual Drive” in its list of International Classification of Diseases, where it divides the ‘disease’ by gender: ‘satyriasis’ for men and ‘nymphomania’ for women.

What I really wanted was a list of specific signs and symptoms, and I found them on The Mayo Clinic’s website. Maybe now I can get down to the nitty-gritty. Do I fall into this category or not? At this point, I’m wondering if I should be headed to the way of Michael Douglas and other self-professed sex addicts (to sex rehab) so I read on, warily:

• Your sexual impulses are intense and feel as if they’re beyond your control.

Like, ohshitifIdon’tkisshimrightnowI’mgoingtoexplode kind of impulses? Cause I get those.

• Even though you feel driven to do certain sexual behaviors, you may or may not find the activity a source of pleasure or satisfaction.

And isn’t this why Viagra was invented? What woman hasn’t this happened to once or twice? So every sexually dissatisfied woman on the planet is now a nympho? C’mon!

• You use compulsive sexual behavior as an escape from other problems, such as loneliness, depression, anxiety or stress.

Does (great) sex boost my mood when I’m sad, calm me when I’m freaking out about a deadline, and cure the dole-drums when I’m bored or tired? Yes, it does! Go, sex!

• You continue risky sexual behaviors despite serious consequences, such as the potential for getting or giving someone else a sexually transmitted infection, the loss of important relationships, trouble at work, or legal problems.

I’m totally responsible in all the above-mentioned ways (legal problems?!) except I admit that I have, on many occasions, been late for work or an appointment because I was in the throes of passion, and have been known to even call in sick for the day if I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving my lovah all alone in a warm bed. I’m actually proud of this, though. Priorities, people!

• You have trouble establishing and maintaining emotional closeness, even if you’re married or in a committed relationship.

This one just simply does not apply.

Conclusion: while reading through the list of symptoms, it dawned on me that so much of this diagnosis reads as feeble because so much of the activity which would define it is subjectively judged. I was heartened further when I noticed this on the Wikipedia page:

“Some authors have questioned whether it makes sense to discuss hypersexuality at all, arguing that extreme sexual urges merely stigmatize persons who do not conform to the norms of their culture or peer group.”

Sexual urges, thoughts, and activities all vary from person to person, and thankfully, this makes for a world of difference in the fun department. So, after all this long-overdue digging, I can tell myself with some certainty that I’m pretty normal, at least compared to the average guy (which would be great, if I were one.) Seems like the verdict is that my enthusiasm for all things carnal is not only healthy but coincides nicely with what you all want to read. I guess we’ve all got sex on the brain.