Want to know more about roleplay and how to get started?
The following guide to roleplay lays out everything you need to know about sexual roleplay, with step-by-step instructions and roleplay examples for couples. Start simple or explore scenarios involving BDSM and fetish.
Ready to play?
What is Sexual Roleplay?
Roleplay is playing the part of a person or character or acting as if you are in a particular situation. Sexual roleplay occurs when such games take an erotic turn.
Sexual roleplays involve two or more characters and allow participants to indulge their fantasies and explore kinks. Roleplay is an especially important outlet for those with fantasies that can’t be acted out “for real” due to their taboo nature or impossibility.
Sexual roleplay can be used as a form of foreplay and does not always involve sex acts. Or it could become the main event, replete with costumes, props, and elaborate storylines. But the beautiful thing is, many roleplay experiences don’t require anything extra beyond your imagination.
Guide to Sexual Roleplay
In this guide to sexual roleplay, we’ll take a look at roleplay from all sides.
- Why Couples Roleplay
- How to Roleplay
- Roleplay Examples
- BDSM Roleplay
- Roleplay and Fetish
- Roleplay Costumes and Accessories
- Poll: Your Favorite Roleplay
Why do Couples Roleplay?
In a confidential survey on sexual diversity in the US (2015), 22% said they had performed sexual roleplay in their lifetime.
Roleplaying has many benefits. Here are some of the reasons why sexual role play is popular, especially among kinky couples.
- To keep their sex life exciting and fresh.
- To get warmed up for sex.
- To get the dirty talk going.
- To bring their sexual fantasies to reality.
- To play with fetishes involving characters/situations.
- To safely explore dangerous or taboo kinks.
- To heal from sexual trauma.
- To inspire a BDSM scene.
- To overcome sexual inhibitions.
How to Roleplay
Sexual role plays are a great way to enhance you and your lover’s sex life. They can be very amateur in nature or extremely elaborate, but what makes a role play successful is the equal enjoyment of both partners.
Follow these roleplay tips to ensure a positive experience in your role playing adventures.
1. Engage in roleplay with someone you trust.
Like all kinky fun, it’s important to play with someone you trust implicitly. You want a lover who you can feel comfortable with even if things get awkward.
2. Discuss roleplay boundaries and limits beforehand.
Don’t get me wrong, I love spontaneous sexual hijinks, but if you’re with a new partner or your sex life has largely been vanilla up to this point, you may want to discuss what a role play means to each of you.
Are you a submissive or do you like to switch? What’s your line between pain and pleasure? What sexual acts are a no-go for you? What kind of language is permissible?
I’m not suggesting you have this discussion about boundaries right before the role play, but before you’ve engaged in any kink with your lover. This is very important, especially with a new lover. Stopping in a scene to discuss what your safe word should be isn’t sexy.
If you already have established limits with your your sex partner, then respecting them is an absolute must. Disregarding a person’s boundaries will not only ruin a role play, but also the relationship itself.
3. Know what you want to act out.
It doesn’t matter if you are dominant outside of the bedroom, if your fantasy is to be submissive, then that’s what you want to play.
Do you have a certain fantasy that you’d like to try? Think about what scenario turns you on the most. You might want to act out something you’ve seen in porn, like the Dom boss/submissive employee or the strict teacher/naughty student routine.
There’s no need to spend days planning a role play; sure you may want to go out and buy costumes and props, but don’t discuss in detail how the scene will be played out. Spontaneity is part of the excitement; be open to the flow!
4. Keep roleplay simple at first.
My first intro to role-playing was very spontaneous and didn’t involve any toys, costumes, or accessories. Try just talking the part without too much else to start. Once you’re comfortable “acting” you can add props.
If you’re just beginning to explore kink, role plays are a good place to start because they can be light and fun – a great mood to be in when exploring your sexual limits and boundaries.
Unless you have a 24/7 dominant-submissive relationship that bleeds into your sex life, the personas you and your partner take on for role plays may be very different (even opposite) of your day-to-day nature. Both partners need to respect and understand that.
5. Stay in character.
The longer you and your partner can stay in character, the deeper your exploration will go.
You may find staying in character difficult at first because at times it may seem absurd, and you may even break out laughing. The nervousness goes away and when you let your imagination run wild, you’ll be surprised at your acting abilities.
As much as you can, commit to the role play. If you let embarrassment or fear of sexual experimentation creep in, things will go from hot to cold quickly. If you have concerns, talk to your partner outside of the bedroom, not during the deed.
6. Avoid interruptions to your roleplay.
No one wants to be in the heat of the role play moment and have to stop all of a sudden.
Distractions could be a variety of things: the phone rings, the computer beeps, the dog wants out, the kids come home, or you need a bathroom break. Most of these can be avoided with a little thought beforehand.
7. Be creative.
With the right partner, the sky’s the limit for roleplaying. One time, I called a lover before he came over and laid out an entire scene for him. It was a hot little surprise and he walked in completely in character.
You can also try role reversals. You probably have a natural tendency to play the submissive or dominant, but acting out of character is a fun challenge and keeps things fresh.
8. Roleplay safely.
It all boils down to fun. If we don’t feel comfortable or quite right, we talk about it during or after and modify future role plays.
You should always be able to stop a scene for any reason. If you’re not ready to be tied up and spanked, don’t just do it to please a partner. When you’re just starting to explore, it’s important to slow your kink roll when necessary.
Have a safeword established so that either partner can easily bring a stop to the roleplay for whatever reason.
Sexual Roleplay Examples
We love roleplay here at Kink Lovers Magazine. Over the years we’ve put together many lists of roleplay ideas inspired by the most popular sexual scenarios and games.
Below you’ll find examples of some of the most popular roleplays. Each comes with a link to further reading where you’ll find specific roleplay ideas to try with your lover.
In addition to these classic examples of roleplay, you can find more scenarios to try in our article:
Doctor Patient Roleplay
Like most games of sexual roleplay, the classic doctor-patient roleplay plays upon a dynamic of authority and submission.
What makes this scenario so hot? The doctor or nurse’s expertise in exploring their patients body and administering just the right touch.
Boss Employee Roleplay
Sex in the workplace is rarely a good idea, but roleplay makes it possible to explore this forbidden fruit. Clear the papers from your desk and prepare to show your employee “who’s boss”.
Teacher Student Roleplay
Another illicit fantasy that makes a great roleplay is the dynamic between teacher and student. Polish up an apple and prepare to please your teacher, or else feel the sting of their after-class punishment.
Public Sexual Roleplay
Increase the intensity and adrenaline of your sexual roleplay by taking things out of the house. Sounds crazy, but there are ways to enjoy roleplay outside and out of the bedroom.
Animal roleplay and pet play allow a whole new range of exploration and fantasy play. You may enjoy getting down on your knees and being collard by your “owner”, whether you’re a good dog, and sassy kitten, or enjoy pony play.
Some of the most popular roleplay ideas are those that involve CNC, which stands for consensual non-consent. This means that the roleplay involves acting out a scenario in which one person pretends that they do not consent to their partner’s actions.
A common example of this is when a couple roleplays a rape fantasy. But let me repeat, CNC roleplay IS consensual, boundaries are fully discussed beforehand, and a safeword is always available.
Many couples role play without ever going into the realm of BDSM, but role plays can go to another level with a little BDSM thrown into the mix.
BDSM roleplay scenarios involve a power dynamic between dominant and submissive partners.
Some examples include a “bad schoolgirl” who deserves a spanking by their “strict teacher”, or “the policewoman” who needs to handcuff her “prisoner” for an interrogation.
BDSM roleplay scenarios allow couples to explore the edges of bondage and domination within the safety of a BDSM “scene”. A BDSM scene is a pre-determined space and plan for BDSM play between consenting adults.
In a Dom/sub roleplay participants are often able to give themselves up to their chosen roles and connect more deeply within the play at hand. This is because roleplay provides a safe space where Doms and subs can act out their wildest fantasies.
It’s possible for them to push limits and explore fully, knowing that their activities are part of an agreed-upon roleplay. This is further enabled by having safety considerations in place such as a safe word that can be used to stop the roleplay at any time.
Sometimes a submissive will become deeply immersed in a BDSM roleplay and enter what is called subspace. In such a state they may become disconnected from time, space, or even their own body. It’s important that a Dom recognizes this and takes responsibility for their sub’s needs within and after the roleplay.
Roleplay and Fetish
Role plays are a great way to expand on any kink, fetish, or sexual proclivity you may already be exploring… and most importantly, they’re fun.
If you love to use your imagination or have a creative streak, then role playing your fetish with a lover might be just your thing.
Medical Fetish Roleplay
An extension of the popular doctor/nurse and patient scenario, roleplay is the perfect way to explore medical kinks and fetishes.
Uniform Fetish Roleplay
For many couples who roleplay, costumes are a big part of the allure. What better way to enjoy a uniform fetish than dressing up and playing the part you’ve been fantasizing about.
Foot Fetish Roleplay
Foot fetish is one of the most popular fetishes of all time. Beyond licking, sucking, and worshiping, a foot fetish can be taken a step further with roleplay games just for fetishists.
Have you heard of the cuckold fantasy? Many men are actually turned on by thought of their partner being with someone else, but that doesn’t mean she needs to hook up outside the relationship. With cuckold roleplay it’s possible to play out these fantasies between just the two of you.
Mommy Fetish Roleplay
One of the best things about sexual roleplay is that you can act out kinks and fetishes that are otherwise frowned upon or in some cases illegal. With consenting adults it’s okay to explore the darker corners of your imagination.
If you have a mommy kink or incest fetish, a little roleplay goes a long way.
Role Play Accessories and Gear
Like any good play, the use of accessories can take things to another level.
Some role play novices think they need to spend a lot of money on props and costumes. But most of what you need can be found around the house, from clothing in your wardrobe to spanking roleplay instruments like hair brushes and belts.
What’s Your Favorite Roleplay?
Take our poll and let us know which of the following popular roleplay scenes is your favorite.
If there’s a sexual roleplay you love but that isn’t mentioned, let us know about it in the comments.