Best BDSM Dating Sites

If you have a BDSM fantasy you want to bring to life, BDSM dating sites are the way to go.

For readers of Kink Lovers Magazine, BDSMDate.com is the most popular dating site for BDSM. However, there are other great BDSM sites for making new connections and meeting local women and men in the lifestyle.

Not all BDSM sites are created equal, and some cater to specific kinks. Before you sign up for some kinky fun, check out my favorites for finding the real thing.

BDSM Dating Sites that Work

All of the BDSM dating sites below offer a basic membership which allows you to sign up and check out the profiles and available features before upgrading. I usually advise people to explore a few sites and only continue with the one or two that have lots of local profiles.

Disclosure: I’ve been a full member at all of these sites, (and still am at a couple). I know they’re legit so I’m happy to recommend them to our readers. Note that Kink Lovers may receive a commission if you choose to upgrade a membership, but it costs nothing extra. Just helps to keep this BDSM blog alive.

1. BDSM Date

BDSM Date is not only the largest BDSM dating site (by far), but also the most fully featured. BDSMDate.com offers video chat, instant messaging, blogs, and topical groups and chat rooms. Not many dating sites offer video between members, so this really sets them apart.

The search function allows you to find people into your specific kink or interest so hooking up with like-minded members is easy. When I’m on the dating scene, I keep an active profile here at all times.

The limitations are few as members can post full nudity and sexual videos. If you haven’t joined yet be sure to check it out.

Find Hookups at BDSMDate.com Now

Pro tip: I recently discovered that you can explore many more of the features such as chat, groups, and profiles with the free membership on desktop. So even if you prefer to use BDSM Date on your phone like me, you may want to try it on your computer if you’re still undecided about upgrading and want to see more.

Join BDSM Date

BDSM dating site member
Local BDSM partners are waiting.

2. BDSM Singles

BDSM Singles is a lesser known BDSM dating site, but has a good number of profiles after being in the game for well over a decade. The experience here is much more basic, but for those who don’t care for video or a lot of extras, this option could be just right.

What can you do for free at BDSMSingles.com?

All members can view profiles and play a tinder-like game of “hot or not” without upgrading. When you “like” someone and they pick you as well, BDSM Singles will let both of you know. You also get unlimited free “Flirts”, which are a quick and easy way to break the ice with pre-written messages.

All this gives you a chance to see who’s near you and ready to play, but I do recommend the full membership when you want to contact someone and set up a date.

Read our full BDSM Singles Review.

Join BDSM Singles

3. Find a Femdom

The name says it all. At FindaFemdom.com you’ll find thousands of people in the BDSM lifestyle including local femdoms and dominant women.

I like this site as well because you can sign up for free and take a look at all of their members with no commitment.

What Find a Femdom lacks in features, it makes up for with simplicity. With less playtime online, the focus here is on making connections and meeting up.

No pizzazz but a good size community of Dommes and subs looking to meet up for real BDSM encounters.

Join Find a Femdom

4. Strapon Dating

What can I say? The strapon fantasy is alive and well and some of the most popular posts here at Kink Lovers revolve around pegging and where to meet potential partners.

No need to wade through the general BDSM population, just go straight to the source with StraponDating.com, the site for women with strapons and the guys who want to bend over for them.

A site like this is a life-saver for those seeking strapon hookups. Instead of hoping the woman at the end of the bar will not only go home with you, but also fulfill your strap-on fantasy, simply join a strapon dating site where you’ll find lots of women eager to peg you.

Join Strapon Dating

BDSM dating partners
Meet dominant women seeking subs.

More BDSM Dating Sites

Don’t see what you’re looking for? We have additional suggestions for finding BDSM partners who share your particular BDSM kinks.

There are more niche BDSM dating sites than you can imagine!

As you can see, we’ve really taken a deep dive into the world of kink and BDSM dating. To see every kinky niche that we’ve explored, take a look at our Guide to Kinky Dating.

How I Choose the Best BDSM Dating Sites

When recommending BDSM dating sites or any type of community to our readers, I insist on the following criteria:

  • The site must be accepting of all genders, orientations, and states of dress.
    None do this better than BDSMdate.com which not only accepts men, women, and couples, but also welcomes transgender kinksters. This makes for a more open and inclusive community. Also, I like when nudity is not only accepted but encouraged. 😉
  • All sites must be free of spam messaging, bots, and fake profiles.
    While I understand that it can be hard for large sites to combat this, it’s important that the dating site takes this type of fraudulent behavior seriously. They must remove inactive and fake profiles as soon as possible, and protect their members from scammers who may use the site for nefarious purposes.
  • Fair pricing is important.
    I’m not crazy about sites that primarily use credits. I think it limits communication when there is a payment required for every action. I prefer monthly paid memberships so that people can take advantage of all opportunities without hesitation.
    If you’re disappointed that there are no decent free options, consider that monthly membership is generally less than the cost of just one night out seeking BDSM partners. And the best sites are jam-packed with additional entertainment such as forums, groups, and even access to local events in some cases.

Why are there are no BDSM Apps on the list?

I wish I could suggest some good BDSM apps to our readers as well, but they just haven’t made it to the level where I’d consider any of them a viable dating site for BDSM enthusiasts. It’s probably going to take some more time for the kinky apps out there to catch up to the size and member activity of the web-based apps.

If you’ve found one you’re happy with let us know in the comments, (but you probably aren’t reading this post if that’s the case).

If you’re wondering why BDSMdate.com doesn’t have an app, you’ll discover the answer as soon as you log in to your account.

BDSM Date is just too damn naughty. Anything goes there and you’ll encounter a lot of nudity, which is exactly why they don’t have an app. Nudity is not welcome at the App Store.

So for now, enjoy them on both your phone or laptop, (and note the lap/desktop version currently has more features), and enjoy the added discretion of not having to download anything to your device.

BDSM Dating Tips

Once you’ve found a BDSM site that matches your desires, there are many ways to ensure a positive experience and get the most out of your online community.

You can find some good tips for BDSM dating success, including ideas for creating a next-level BDSM profile, here:

Tips for BDSM Dating Success

BDSM Dating Site Scams

Online dating scams are certainly not limited to BDSM sites, but they do happen. Avoiding trouble is generally a matter of common sense, but some important reminders may help ensure you have a positive BDSM dating experience.

You may want to read our tips for staying out of scammers’ way, especially if you’re new to BDSM dating sites.

Avoid BDSM Dating Site Scams

BDSM Dating Site Safety

When everything is going smoothly and you’re starting to make dates with local BDSM lovers, you still need to be practising safe BDSM dating.

Tips for Safe BDSM Dating

Remember, BDSM relationships can and should be healthy relationships. Make sure you understand the importance of consent, communication, equality, and safety considerations of healthy BDSM relationships and BDSM dating.


A lot changes in this online dating space, very quickly. I try to keep things as current as possible and do update this list as needed.

If you see something different on one of these BDSM dating sites to what has been written about them in our reviews, please let us know in the comments. I will do my best to correct any details that may have changed.

Good Luck and Enjoy!

xo Lola

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Kink Lovers is the online magazine for kinky people into BDSM, fetish, and kink. If you want to explore your kinky side, spice up your love life, or meet new kinky partners - enter the world of Kink Lovers. Enjoy D/s relationship advice, kink education and resources, BDSM and kink dating tips, fetish facts, and reader confessions.

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