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Avoid Scams on BDSM Dating Sites

scammers on dating sites

There are a lot of scammers out there. And although dating sites generally do their best to keep these people off the site it is likely you may encounter some of them if you spend much time at all looking for partners into bdsm. I hope you have yet to experience the disappointment of finding out the sexy member you’re messaging with does not have good intentions. My personal recommendation is BDSMdate.com because they don’t use fake profiles or fake messages. No matter which site you choose, the following are some simple ways to avoid the scammers and stick to the real deal.

  • Keep your personal details private until you meet in person. Scammers are looking for things like your address and phone number in particular. Wait until you develop some in-person trust before revealing these types of things.
  • Try doing a google search. If you do a search of a potential date’s username, or even the text of their message, it can be very revealing. You might even find them on a site dedicated to exposing dating scams.
  • Forget about long distance relationships with strangers. Scammers want to avoid victims in their own area so that they are less likely to get caught. And keeping things local is also your best chance of actually meeting for a real relationship or hookup.
  • Is that a real photo or not? Try this cool trick.. upload the photo of your potential partners at tineye.com. They’ll show you other pages on the net where the particular photo appears. Scammers usually grab a photo they find online somewhere.
  • Immediate communication could be a red flag. When the kinky babe you’re messaging always responds right away or within 15 minutes every time it could be a sign that you’re chatting up a bot!
  • Don’t open attachments from strangers. And yes, they are still a stranger if you haven’t met in person. Follow this tip to avoid downloading a virus to your computer.
  • Watch out for the sob story. Be wary when they start telling you about sick relatives or something similar such as an emergency situation in which only you can help them.  Or there’s the story about how they are on their way to visit you but their credit card isn’t working..
  • Which brings us to the last tip: never, ever, wire money to a stranger!

I wish you all the best! If you have any further advice to add here, or a story that might help others ward off some trouble, please share below!

Tell us what you think! 10 Comments

  1. William

    January 7, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    Is it usual for a lifestyle Dominant to ask for money in the form of gift cards before a meeting takes place?

    • Lola Page

      Lola Page

      March 25, 2014 at 1:42 am

      Hi William,

      Sorry I missed this comment.

      I would say that it is NOT usual, unless advance payment is agreed upon and she is willing to issue some form of a receipt. And I certainly wouldn’t agree to this before you’ve even met in person. Remember, never send someone money (or gift cards) online prior to meeting in person. It has SCAM written all over it.

      There is such a thing as financial domination, but that doesn’t seem to be what this is.

  2. James

    October 21, 2014 at 7:15 am

    I have experienced the bait and switch twice with bdsmdate.com and alt.com, owned by the same people. Even the same profiles. First time I fell for the reply that arrived just before I was due to renew. I had a correspondence running with them so it didn’t seem as suspicious as the others. Never heard from them again after I renewed. I didn’t make that mistake again. Towards the end of my 2nd month same thing happened. My advice is to treat this website as unscrupulous as the rest of them, but there are genuine members there. Just tread carefully.

    • Lola Page

      Lola Page

      November 5, 2014 at 2:23 pm

      Hi James,

      BDSMdate.com and Alt DO use the same backend, so yes, you’ll find the same members and features inside. However, they are actually one of the few that don’t use fake profiles. If you find any suspicious profiles they are likely from local escorts or scammers. Those profiles get removed but sometimes not right away so I agree with you about treading carefully!

  3. Nigel

    November 7, 2015 at 6:05 am

    I have regularly encountered Mistresses who ask you to purchase a BDSM kit before proceeding. I understand hygiene protocols but this feels scammy to me. Am I right to be wary?

    • Lola Page

      Lola Page

      November 17, 2015 at 1:04 pm

      I would be wary perhaps if they are asking you to purchase a specific kit through them and them alone. If they offer up other places that you could buy what they feel is necessary, then that would show that they aren’t getting you to buy a kit solely for their own profit.

      What kind of “bdsm kit” did they suggest you needed to buy?

      • Nigel

        November 19, 2015 at 4:46 pm

        Just general starter kits and they ranged from a few hundred to a few thousand pounds. This practice seems common on Alt.com. I don’t know if these women are testing commitment or whether it’s something more sinister. I was also asked to top up someone’s mobile phone! Maybe there are better sites for hooking up. I’m relatively new to this.

  4. Nigel

    November 7, 2015 at 6:08 am

    I should have clarified by saying that I have encountered online. Face-to-face would obviously be a different matter! Thanks to anyone who can help with this enquiry.

  5. Gray

    July 16, 2018 at 1:27 pm

    A mistress I met online wants me to get a paid membership on 2 sites. However she refuses to speak on the phone or have a quick Skype chat. I don’t want to waste my money if she is scamming me. Anyone had an experience like this?

  6. SS

    September 5, 2018 at 12:57 pm

    @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

    BDSM Dating Site Scam Playbook:

    Guys, (directed this to men who are seeking women Dommes):

    Here is the definitive set of signs that you have been targeted for a scam:

    1) Initial contact on website / app is from
    someone who is (not in your league), like a really young twenty something contacting a 55+yo with sometime of ‘come hither’ either as a ‘flirt’ or a ‘swipe’ or whatever.

    @@ Your BS detector should go on here, the too good to be true concept should kick in, But we all get taken in by the prospect (however remote) that this could be legit.

    2) So you respond, and almost immediately, (usually less than 20 minutes) you will get a more involved, but generic response feigning interest that focuses attention on something from your profile. Usually there is some comment about wanting to go to email / outside of the site/App or even some type of IM service.

    3) You provide the email, and again in a very short amount of time (and this is any time of day), you will get a detailed note describing a total fantasy situation that defines all of what you want in such a relationship. There is also a set of ‘rules’ which invariably include a need for you to delete your profile on whatever app or site it was that you met on. (If u are following this playbook, then the move is to ‘block’ the ID that you connected with, so they can’t tell if you are still on the site).

    4) Next comes a request for a small amount of $$ usually 100-200, this is to be sent as a tribute, to ‘prove that you are worthy’ – Also there will usually be some reference to both a real time meeting and also the need to purchase ‘bdsm kits’ for that event. (Typically they reference the need for the kit as me precaution for safety and hygiene).

    5) During the course of the various correspondences, little generic pieces of info will be provided (job descriptions, locations, even pictures), all without being asked for.

    6) Now you ‘push’ back; make the suggestion that instead of sending the tribute electronically, that you would like to meet somewhere (meal / drinks / shopping) and spend some real money on the Domme.

    7) The Response will be very fast and the tone will change to an arrogant presentation that suggests that you are lucky to be even given the opportunity to talk to her, let alone see her. And that She doesn’t Need the Money, this is just to see that You can Follow Her Rules….

    8) So you ask how she would like the payment/tribute made?

    9) Now for the Bonus Round:

    You will never be asked for a PayPal or WU transfer, because those are traceable. – You will be asked to get iTunes or Amazon or Wal-Mart gift cards. – Why ? – because they are anonymous and that tells you all you need to know…..

    Hope this helps you guys out there!

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