BDSM Dating

How to Write a BDSM Profile

Writing an online dating profile is difficult for everyone. Writing a profile for BDSM dating poses even more challenges.

The keys to attracting what you’re looking for are honesty and clarity. Here are our tips for writing a BDSM profile that will help you find a suitable match.

Where to Create Your BDSM Profile

First of all, before you start creating your profile, make sure you’ are on the right dating site.

If you are specifically looking for BDSM partners, you are going to have a lot more success on a site for that purpose rather than some generic dating app. Otherwise you’re going to have to be a lot more discreet.

Not sure which sites are best for BDSM dating? See our list of the Best BDSM Dating Sites.

What to Include in Your BDSM Profile

Here are some areas to address in your profile that will help you cut to the chase… and have you hooking up with new partners faster.

Dominant or Submissive?

How do you define yourself in the BDSM community? If you’re a newbie you’ll want to familiarize yourself with definitions. You may be a submissive, but not a slave. Maybe you’re a dominant with a masochistic streak. Be specific.

A lot of prospective partners will want to know this right away. And it’s okay if you don’t identify as either, just put that out there. Or maybe you enjoy role reversal with a lover. Don’t be afraid to get specific in your identification (e.g., “I enjoy being submissive, but don’t categorize myself as such. It’s more my nature than a role I take on.”)

Your BDSM Experience

Once you’ve stated your identity, you may want to explain how you came to be this type of person. Letting other members know a little bit about your relationship to BDSM and kink helps to paint a picture of you.

If this is new to you, say so. Do you also want someone that is new to BDSM, or are you looking for a teacher? Are you a vanilla wanting to meet an experienced kinkster to lead the way? Or a dominatrix who wants to meet other femdoms to swap stories and learn from?

It’s helpful to others to know your level of experience and where you are at on the journey of BDSM exploration.

Type of Relationship You Desire

Just lay it on the line. Maybe you want a once-a-week hookup with a Domme. Or you want something nonsexual, like a woman whose feet you can massage and lick for an hour when the fancy strikes you. Or you want a serious sub-dom relationship where you can explore deep desires, as well as limits and boundaries.

Be open if you’re already in a relationship and state whether your current partner is aware of your online presence.

Be clear about what you want. Some people have no intention of meeting others in real life and that’s okay as long as you admit this in your profile.

Your Sexual Interests

BDSM dating sites are designed to help you find someone to satisfy your particular fantasies, kink, and fetishes. People that use these sites are not going to be shocked by your eye-ball licking fetish or your curiosity about fisting. Put it out there and see what happens.

Read: BDSM Play: The BIG List of BDSM Activities

Some people think BDSM is all about sex, usually those new to the scene. The intricate intimate relationships the community offers explores much more than sex. Talk about how you view the connection and how important sex is in the BDSM relationship(s) you seek.

Passions Outside BDSM

Your whole profile need not be kink-centric and shouldn’t be. BDSM is only a part of us, so share aspects of yourself that reflect the whole of your being.

What interests or passions keep you motivated? Do you travel a lot for work? Are you busy raising children? These things will give people a clearer picture of who you are.

Most (although not all) members will be interested in you as a whole and be interested to know what else motivates, drives, and satisfies you. Sometimes these passions can be integrated into some great role playing scenarios!

Profile Photo

Post a recent photo that isn’t your best or worst. You want to attract people but not disappoint them when you meet face-to-face. And don’t use a sexually overt picture – remember, it’s not all about sex.

Why the Details Matter

Details matter when you are creating any dating profile, but even more so when you are on a BDSM or kink-focused dating site.

One reason to focus on the details is because the lifestyle is so vast and varied, you want to describe yourself and your interests as best as possible. This way you will attract your best possible matches, and it won’t take as long.

People with sparse profiles often need to engage in lengthy back and forth messages with other members before meeting, just to find out if they are suitable.

You don’t need to write a novel, but more information is better than a lack of.

How much should you reveal and how specific should you be?

Read: Revealing Your Kinks in a Dating Profile

BDSM Profile Writing Tips

Here are some important things to remember as you create your BDSM profile with the elements above.

If You Don’t Ask, You May Never Get It

I know you might feel shy about creating a BDSM profile and saying exactly what turns you on. I get it. It’s a vulnerable thing, especially if you happen to be kinky as fuck… but if you don’t say so, nobody will ever know.

Read: Why Online Dating Works for People into BDSM

Somebody Out There Likes What You’re Into

Yes, 99.9% of the world isn’t into your thing, but somebody is. Your kink is probably shared by more people than you imagine. There are all sorts of folks into golden showers, bondage, feathers, adult babies and diapers, and putting vegetables up their backsides.

Be Honest About Your Desires

That’s the beauty of online BDSM dating—you have the freedom of being virtually anonymous until you meet a possible match.

Being up front and writing about your BDSM desires will save you having to engage in awkward conversations later because you didn’t clearly state your intentions.

You and Your Kinks are Sexy

Don’t get hung up on being fat or skinny, the size of your tits or cock—anything. Someone out there will be into you. Someone out there is always into everything, or something. Being desirable is about projecting confidence in your BDSM profile, not worrying how you look!

Pick a Great BDSM Handle

You want to grab people’s attention with your BDSM profile.

Want to get whipped? Call yourself “YeOldeFloggingPost.” People might laugh, but then they’ll come over and flog you and tell you what a bad boy you’ve been. I might come over and whip you myself!

Be cautious and use safety precautions.

Remember that they might be as crazy as you are, and so a few exercises in trust can’t be a bad thing.

Read: Avoid Scams on BDSM Dating Sites

Don’t Limit Yourself

Too many “must be”s makes a potential partner feel inadequate. So while you want to share enough about yourself and what your BDSM proclivities are, be open by using “I” statements (e.g. I enjoy…, I’m into…), rather than “must be” statements.

It’s a simple fix that will go a long way in boosting your BDSM dating success.

Read: Tips for Success With BDSM Dating


Clarity will help you attract people best suited to you and avoid wasting time. Honesty will earn you respect in the BDSM community and protect your reputation.

Once you have a great BDSM profile set up, read our tips for getting more messages: 5 Tips for Attracting Online Dating Messages.

Not sure which site to set your profile up on? Learn about all the options for meeting BDSM partners with our favorite BDSM Dating Sites.

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Kink Lovers is the online magazine for kinky people into BDSM, fetish, and kink. If you want to explore your kinky side, spice up your love life, or meet new kinky partners - enter the world of Kink Lovers. Enjoy D/s relationship advice, kink education and resources, BDSM and kink dating tips, fetish facts, and reader confessions.

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