Just the Tips

4 Tips for Bringing Kink into Your Relationship

Sex in the Workplace

Are you in a wonderful relationship where everything is bang on, but there’s something missing from the sexual side of things?

Maybe you’ve never explored your fantasies or aspects of BDSM that fascinate you. Maybe your partner likes things very vanilla, or keeps her own fantasies a secret.

Most, if not all, people have kinks that they think about if not fully realize. If you’re only at the thinking stage and and a vanilla relationship, it’s time to branch out.

4 Tips for Kinking Up Your Relationship

1. Play Someone Else

Role playing is the easiest gateway into your kinky fantasies. It worked for me to lift my inhibitions, and requires zero props and accessories—just an active imagination. During sex, you can segue into a role that you find appealing. You might want to call your partner, “Mrs. ____ if you want to play a submissive student to her dominant teacher. Or become a boss, and ask her if she’s completed the sales reports you asked for if you prefer the dom role (take our poll: How Dominant Are You in Bed?)

Of course, you can always talk about this over coffee earlier in the day if you think it might be too jarring to jump right into it in bed. Role playing is a playful way that you can go from kink lite to hard-core BDSM if that’s where you both want to eventually go.

2. Watch Porn Together

If your partner is shy or reserved, this may take some seeds planted before she is game, if at all. I would never have done this when I was younger, but now I find it a secret window into my lovers’ sexual predilections.

Even if it’s just an unexplained turn on (which much of the porn people watch is) it can still be a hot way to become aroused together. And some of the scenes you’ll come across will be inspiring for things like role plays, sex positions, and techniques.

3. Shop for Sex Toys

The first time I went to a real sex store was unreal! I’ll admit, it was a little intimidating, and I could hardly believe some of the things I was seeing. But the sales people never made me feel uncomfortable and were extremely knowledgeable about everything and anything.

The great thing with modern tech is that you can do your research ahead of time, read toy reviews, and even shop online if sexual discretion is important to you. But shopping out in the world with your partner can be a lot of fun, especially when you get to look at the merchandise up close.

4. Open Up Your Relationship

This isn’t likely to be the first thing you try to add kink to your relationship, and that’s why I left it for last (but who knows, because what’s something not cool for some is very cool for others!) More and more couples are exploring the polyamory lifestyle with secondary couples, or by inviting a third into their bed.

I only recommend open relationships for couples who are rock solid in their trust and love for one another. It’s not something to try on a whim, but with serious discussions around expectations and boundaries beforehand.

Find out more about the lifestyle at Polyamory Today.

How did you first add kink to your relationship? What recommendations do you have?

Tell us what you think!

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