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How Kinky Sex Can Bridge the Orgasm Gap

Sexy Open Mouth

What is the orgasm gap? It’s the term researchers use when referring to the fact that more men than women orgasm during heterosexual sex. I have to say these findings surprised me a bit, as I have been blessed with attentive lovers.

After reading “The Orgasm Gap: Simple Truth & Sexual Solutions” in Psychology Today, I realize how privileged I am. In one study, they found a gap as large as 52%, which got me thinking about kink and how it is more purposely focused on mutual enjoyment.

The Orgasm Gap and How Kinky Sex Can Help

Kink Is about so much more than Penetration

One big reason the orgasm gap exists is that we as a society define heterosexual sex as intercourse, or penis-in-vagina penetration. Given that only a very small percentage of women orgasm from penetrative sex alone, it makes sense that there are a lot of dissatisfied ladies out there.

Kink and BDSM offers plenty of alternatives to straight-up intercourse, like edge play, breath play, and nipple torture. This equates to a more full-body sexual experience, with more care given to a woman’s overall pleasure.

Kinky Sex Can’t Be Rushed

Another reason more women than men get shortchanged in the sexual pleasure department is that the female orgasm takes time to build. Anticipation is a big part of it, as is patience, knowledge of your partner’s body, and attentiveness.

Kink encourages all of these things, as it often involves pre-planning and communication. Setting up a role-play session, for example, is an elaborate undertaking. You have to come up with a scenario, agree on limits and safe words, talk about what’s hot about it, then finally do it. That’s a lot of opportunity to build excitement and trust.

Fantasy Is at the Heart of Kink

Unlike the majority of men, women need more than the mechanics of sex to get off—they need to feel emotionally connected to the process. That doesn’t mean they have to be in love with whomever they’re fucking, just immersed in the experience on a deeper level than the physical.

Kink is the perfect avenue for sexy psychological explorations. Think of all the fantasies that couples can act out. From teacher-student to alien-abductee there is so much fodder for emotional and sexual release. Lots of women sit on kinky fantasies for years, so by the time they get to experience them, the release can be explosive.

Some Kinks Are all about Her

Probably the biggest explanation for the orgasm gap is that by and large, men’s needs are given priority in mainstream culture. Nothing proves this more than the fact that women-first sexual practices (like vagina worship and cuckolding) are automatically regarded as kink, rather than part of the standard sex catalog.

Lots of kinky play focuses on women’s pleasure, and thank god for that! What a sweet world it would be if more heterosexual vanilla men could take a page from the kink book and please their partners fully

What are your thoughts on the orgasm gap? Please share in the comments!

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