Just the Tips

5 Signs It’s Time to Stop a Kink

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Are you thinking about how to stop having a kink? Or whether you should try to stop a kink at all?

At Kink Lovers, we like to share tips and stories about all things BDSM with positivity and encouragement. But if you’ve already explored the wide world of kink, then you know that sometimes things go sideways.

It’s not always in our control what happens during our kinky explorations. We may have our best intentions going in, but outside forces make things impossible either to unfold the way we imagine or to enjoy what we thought we might.

We can be stubborn and persistent in our pursuits of making our kink fantasies and fetishes come to life, but sometimes it’s best to quit a kink in the name of love—love for yourself and those you care about.

So how do you know when you should quit a kink? When should you accept that something isn’t good for you or your lover? When should you move on from a kink that’s worn out it’s welcome because your needs have changed?

When to Stop Having a Kink

1. The Thrill Is Gone

This is the most obvious of signs. If you don’t like something you once did—drop it! But we all know from experience, in the kink world and out, that old habits die hard. Maybe you’ve been pinching your balls in a vice while masturbating for ten years—you can’t imagine not doing it, but it’s not about enjoyment anymore.

Does having your butt spanked by your regular femdom hookup feel like a chore rather than the once anticipatory bliss moment of the week? Your enjoyment or your partner’s enjoyment should at least be part of the reason you engage in any kink, otherwise, why bother.

Read: 5 Reasons to Try Her Kinks

2. Reality Is Not Your Fantasy

This happens a lot. We watch porn and get hella turned on by a scene we imagine ourselves in. Or we read about a BDSM practice and rush out to the local sex shop to spend a fortune on all the equipment required. But… when we try to act on the vision or fantasy, it falls short.

Expectations are a bitch sometimes and why it is best to keep them at a minimum before going into any kinky pursuit. Dream big, sure, but know that reality is never going to match the fantasy. Maybe your lover can’t pretzel herself into the positions you see as part of a double penetration scene. Or playing submissive in real life with a hired dominatrix feels more humiliating than sexy—not the way you’d imagined it.

3. You Have New Desires

Quitting a kink isn’t always about a kink not living up to expectations or that you’ve grown tired of a practice. It can simply be about something else catching your eye, a shiny new kink pushing another off your Greatest Hits list.

I’ve had kinks fall by the wayside without even realizing it. I’ll just suddenly remember something I used to enjoy or practice regularly, but see that there is something else that takes up most of my attention. I used to like role-playing teacher-student scenes, but I’m more into blindfolds and bondage, and next month it may be something altogether different.

That is what is so exciting about kink—the possibilities are limitless.

Read: The Kink Lovers BIG List of Kinks

4. There Has Been Harm

Maybe you tied up a lover and left them unattended beyond their limit or vice versa. Perhaps you’ve used restraints that were too tight and left unwanted marks. Maybe your domme likes to play with knives, but the intended light scratch became a deep cut.

Many kinks, everything from electroshock kinks to breath play to CBT practices, are dangerous and have the potential for harm—psychological, physical, spiritual, social, and emotional.

Your best bet here is prevention—research kinks and BDSM practices properly, use safe practices, and practice aftercare.

Something unexpected can always happen. When it does, you can assess the situation and decide whether this kink is worth the risk of keeping in your repertoire.

5. Your Kink Lover Is Gone

There are many ways to practice solo BDSM, but so many kinks involve at least two kinky people. And some kinks that take two will take a great deal of trust before they can really take off with a new lover. If your kink is having a 24/7 slave relationship, and you’ve broken up, you may not meet someone to fill the role for a long time.

When a breakup or breakdown in a relationship kills a shared kink, you may not want to continue with the kink because it was unique to the relationship. Sometimes a kink is the combination of personality dynamics, interests, and timing—not always easy to recreate with someone else.

If this is the case, you may want to explore other areas of BDSM.

Read: BDSM Ideas: The BIG List of BDSM Play

Have you ever tried to stop having or liking a kink?

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Kink Lovers is the online magazine for kinky people into BDSM, fetish, and kink. If you want to explore your kinky side, spice up your love life, or meet new kinky partners - enter the world of Kink Lovers. Enjoy D/s relationship advice, kink education and resources, BDSM and kink dating tips, fetish facts, and reader confessions.

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