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How to Compromise with a Kinky Lover

Handcuffs and Key

It’s rare that you find a person that is perfectly sexually compatible. But that would be too easy, and leave us without challenges. So what do you do when your lover is a completely different breed of kink? Or what if you’ve been vanilla all your life and suddenly find yourself falling for a bdsm playmate? You really never know what someone is like in the bedroom until you’re actually there. If you do find yourself either surprised, turned off, or excited by your new lover’s sexual proclivities, here are a few suggestions on how to compromise with a kinky lover.

1. Have an Open-Mind
Not everyone has been exposed to bdsm or even knows or understands what it is. A new partner who is worth getting to know will be patient and help to educate you on his or her fetishes and fantasies. In return, you have to have an open-mind without judging, no matter how weird a fetish might seem at first.

2. Explore On Your Own
You can’t expect a partner to know exactly what you’re thinking or feeling, and you may be too inexperienced or shy to ask the things you’d really like to know about. But don’t hesitate to go online and take a look around at kinky blogs, websites, and forums. You’ll find things you never knew people were into, and maybe wish you hadn’t!

3. Share Your Dark Fantasies
I believe we all have deep, not necessarily dark, fantasies we would like to experience. And these may or may not involve sex but still require a partner to bring to life. Maybe you’ve only thought on the periphery of these fantasies, afraid to share with another for fear of judgement. If you are with someone you trust, it’s worth the risk.

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4. Trade Off Kinks
We all have our limits off what we will and won’t do when it comes to kink. But there is also a scale in these limits and boundaries. Sometimes we don’t want to do something because we think it’s gross, or maybe we’re afraid, or maybe it goes against a belief. If it’s just something you don’t like because it doesn’t turn you on, but it super excites your partner, give in here and there to please them. They’ll return the favor.

5. Trust and Communicate
Compromising with a kinky lover demands trust. If it’s your first time being tied up, it’s natural to feel a little anxious, but if this has been an ongoing fantasy you can’t let go of, you’ll need to get past that fear and trust someone enough to do it. Always communicate when you’re trying something new and be sure to use safe words.

How do you feel about compromising with a kinky partner? Are you willing?

Tell us what you think! 1 Comment

  1. Jennifer

    June 29, 2014 at 11:00 pm

    I am the vanilla girlfriend of a BDSM male dom. The thing he describes as his main fetish makes me very uncomfortable and turns me off. I have to lie to aloud as part of his fetish involves me saying I want to do things that I think I reprehensible and morally wrong. I’m having trouble in general with the whole “obedience” thing, but I am willing to try some of the things he likes. The problem is, after a year and a half of a very troubled sex life he has told me that I either submit to him fully or we will have a sexless relationship. I don’t see a sexless relationship as a viable one, and I’m hurt that he is forcing me to choose between this fetish of his and him. The way I see it, his fetish is more important to him than I am. He says he loves me, but now I’m not sure. Are there any subs, or doms, who could help me save this relationship. I want to please him without feeling like I have to do or say things I think are wrong and that make me feel resentful towards him. Help! 🙁 So sad…

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