Q: Dear Jamie, I’m a super freak who gets off on hardcore kinky stuff. I love leather, BDSM, sadomasochism, rubber, and all kinds of scenes. I love the paraphernalia and the idea of parties full of other fetish enthusiasts.
It seems to me like bondage and discipline are for the privileged. As a dude who works a crap job and has a crap education, I struggle to put food on the table for my old mother and young children. I don’t have money for fancy dungeons and expensive costumes.
It’s not really fair, but I think you have to be rich to enjoy this kind of indulgence. Any tips for the working class? – Zack
A: You know what, Zack? Spare me the self pity and melodrama. What do you want me to say? That maybe the government should give you a special stipend so you can have all the sex toys you want? Maybe you should get over your resentment that some people might be able to afford a nicer car and a fancy dungeon, and find your own way.
News flash: sex is free.
If some rich people invented various gadgets and designs to allow them expensive ways to get off, so what? I would like to travel to a different city every weekend to hook up with hot kinky men from various cultures, but guess what? I can’t afford that.
You’re absolutely right to prioritize your family and their needs for food and shelter before blowing the paycheck on overpriced corsets or slave beds. I’ll hand it to you for that, but stop resenting it—your kids are the most important thing that ever happened in your sex life!
You know what? The vast majority of kinksters aren’t Christian Gray, and they aren’t millionaires. They’re men and women like us who work with our hands or have student loans or pour coffee or sweep floors.
The best sex toy you can have is your brain, so use your imagination. If there’s an expensive gadget you really want, plan for it and save for it. Otherwise, let your kink get creative because you don’t have to have fancy props.
It costs nothing to lock your door—voila, bondage. It costs less than three bucks to get a flyswatter—voila, discipline.
If you’re a blue collar guy, you’re ahead of the game because you can make your own devices and gadgets, and that will be even more rewarding than buying or renting someone else’s gear. Use wood scraps if you can’t afford a bit of lumber.
Rope, chains, and scarves—all available even cheaper second hand—are economical staples. Saran wrap is a wild sex toy if you’re into bondage, or voyeurism, or have a wet and messy fetish.
Take a look in your garage for stuff you already have on hand for sensation play. Get cheap and cheerful toys like handcuffs and feathers and blindfolds at the dollar store.
I’m sorry if I sounded harsh, but here’s one thing I’ve learned: life’s not fair, not for you or me or anyone else. Everyone’s got their share of crap, and the best way to change our lot in life is to change our mind.
In you, I don’t see a man with a crap job—despite your attitude about it—but a hardworking family man lucky enough to have a rich inner fantasy life. Maybe my perspective will help you to see things differently too.
p.s. There are lots of women with modest lifestyles who would do anything to be tied up and fucked until they scream by a kinky guy like you. Go and find one.
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