There’s a first time for everything, including having sex with a woman with a penis.
Even though you’ve been jerking off to “transgender surprise” porn until your dick is raw, the fantasy has not happened until now.
In your mind, your date has seductively whispered it a million times over. “There’s something you should know before we go any further…” and pressed herself into your hand.
Maybe you’ve been a transgender admirer forever and have made love to lots of trans women. Some have pussies after sex reassignment surgery, and some have dicks. Some have transitioned and some haven’t. But you’re winging it and need a few pointers to make sure you’re the lover you want to be.
Maybe you don’t have a particular thing for pre-op transgender women at all, but you love all women, and the one that you’re dating just happens to have a penis. You aren’t sure what to do and want to make sure she feels as much pleasure as you do.
Here’s everything you need to know about making love to a woman who has a penis.
*I am using she/her in this post, but always inquire about preferred pronouns when engaging with a trans woman.
How to Make Love to a Woman with a Penis
Follow these tips next time you find yourself making love to a pre-op trans woman.
Still looking to meet a play partner? Read:
1. Follow the Leader
The only expert on any particular woman’s body is herself. You really don’t need to be anxious, and you don’t need to be a know it all, either—every time you’re with a woman, trans or otherwise, she is the expert on her body.
Ask her to show you every time how it works for her and what she likes and needs. She can show you what kind of strokes, oral moves, and other uses feel good or work for her.
2. Don’t Call Her Genitalia “Girldick”
The term may sound hot to you, but “girldick” is fetish terminology that not every trans woman with a penis appreciates. It’s hers to use if she wants, not yours. It’s hers to define, as well. If she wants you to say it, she’ll let you know.
3. Her Cock Isn’t the Same as Yours
Her penis will probably look different from yours, and it won’t function in the same way.
There are exceptions, but most trans women’s cocks are smaller and softer. Hormone therapy changes the texture, taste, smell, and way her genitals respond.
4. Not All Women with Cocks Like to Use Them
For some pre-op trans women, gender dysphoria is triggered by her penis, and she would rather not use it at all. Always follow her lead.
If you really aren’t sure after that, you can ask, “Are you comfortable with me touching you here?” before you touch her. If she leaves her panties on or moves your hand or wriggles away, and you’re confused because she otherwise seems into you and has consented to play, this is probably why. It’s okay to ask and be sure.
Avoid the word “penis” or “cock” if you suspect this is the situation and just reference “touch” or “you,” as in “Would it feel good if I touch you?”
5. Don’t Expect Penetration
Are you dreaming of her rock hard cock slowly sliding into your ass and turning you inside out? Or are you terrified she’ll expect you to bend over and take it all the way?
Either way, that won’t be happening.
You may have seen some exciting porn that featured transgender women with breasts and a giant erection, penetrating another woman or a man’s ass. I’m sorry to say that the likelihood of this happening in real life is slim.
Read: 4 Kinky Play Ideas without Penetration
There are some trans women whose dicks function the way yours does, who also want to use it that way. It’s rare, however. Most women using hormone therapy aren’t able to “get hard” or perform penetrative sexual intercourse.
Most transgender women don’t want to use their penis that way even before they begin treatment. This is not always true, and it’s perfectly fine if she wants to and can fuck you. But most won’t.
The porn you usually see this in might be called “shemale” porn and might crudely refer to these women as “chicks with dicks.” Transgender women in the past, and still today, sometimes turn to sex work because of obstacles to other jobs, or because they need to save up for medical treatments.
The hung stallion with a throbbing member and silicone breasts is largely fiction and performative, not common in real life sexuality.
6. Don’t Assume You’ll be Taking Her Up the Ass
Some men may assume that transgender women who don’t have vaginas will automatically want anal penetration.
Lots of women do find penetration incredibly fulfilling and pleasurable, but some don’t.
Don’t make assumptions beforehand or during. Go with the flow. Communicate and be open minded and adventurous. Prioritize her pleasure.
Prioritizing her pleasure might mean fucking her up the ass! If that’s the case, you can do your happy dance. But don’t start sticking around down there unless she has made it clear she’s into it.
Read: 4 Ways to Enjoy Anal Penetration
7. Oral Is Amazing
If your woman with a penis is into oral-genital sex, don’t be shy about performing. She can guide you to what feels good. Just remember to be patient, slow and sensual.
You aren’t giving a blowjob, and more than likely licking her cock is going to feel more like cunnilingus, but still be its own kind of thing. It won’t be “fucking your mouth” or a hard and fast kind of experience, but soft and sweet.
8. Kink Is a Wonderland
Don’t forget your imagination and sense of adventure, or your kinky fantasies. BDSM has a vast spectrum of practices to fire up your imagination and make you and your lovers feel amazing.
Why not try sex that isn’t dick-centered? Take the focus off cocks for a while—yours, or hers—and enjoy bondage, sensation play, role play, and so much more.
Read: BDSM Play: The BIG List of BDSM Activities
The fetish and kink spectrum has endless alternative sex options. You really can think outside the box!
Do you already have sexual experience with pre-op trans women? What tips can you share?
Tell us what you think