Having a new partner or lover is an interesting time. You want to be able to share and enjoy all the things that you find kinky, all the things that get you off, but you can’t be entirely sure what the other person might be into.
In the modern world we can screen our dates on the internet and select people who are into the same things as we are, but life doesn’t always line up perfectly. You meet women and don’t always know how to proceed on the kinky side of things.
You might want to be sure that this person wants to have sex with you at all. One school of thought might be to lay it all out there on a first date, right over coffee. Another might be to wait and see how things are going before pulling out the ball gag and the jumper cables for each other’s nipples. Starting with vanilla sex will give you a gauge of how kinky it could get.
Once you’ve mentioned that you like kinky shit, ease into it. Don’t start with the hardest craziest stuff out there. People need to be pushed ever so gently down that slippery slope. You can start with role playing and then work your way, gradually, towards building the torture dungeon, or fucking strangers in hotels… or whatever you like.
Leave hints around. Tie a scarf to your bedpost, make a joke about handcuffs, and gauge the reaction. If the person is curious then maybe you can keep pushing them along. Humor will do a lot to promote the cause.
Be honest to yourself about what is going on. If you want to be kinky and the other person just doesn’t, maybe you should move on. If you aren’t getting traction, and they just want to stay bland then probably you will end up miserable. Make sure you find your happiness. Don’t settle!
If you’re getting kinky, make sure that you discuss safety issues. I’m talking about safe words, first aid, subspace, and knowing how to contact emergency sources.
People who haven’t explored kink may be hanging onto myths and misunderstandings about BDSM. They are more likely to enjoy it if they see it can be safe and fun, as opposed to scary and dangerous. If you’re both newbies, have fun researching your kinks and fetishes together.
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