How to Give a Woman a Handjob
Handjobs aren’t only for men, even though that’s what most of us think when we hear the term.
The vulva and clitoris deserve more than just old school fingering. Aim to become a fingersmith who can make a woman come through a professional handjob. This is definitely something you’ll want to add to your sexual repertoire, and a handjob can be as kinky as you want it to be.
Read: Kinky Sex Ideas: 40 Ways to Have Kinkier Sex
15 Tips and Ideas to Make Her Come with Your Fingers
1. Know Your Partner
You’re probably not going to put your fingers in a woman’s vagina on your first date, but you might! Sex is generally better when you know your lover to some degree, when you’ve built trust in the sex department and can talk about your likes and dislikes. Lay the groundwork to experiment with the intimate handjob.
Read: How to Build Trust in Your Kinky Relationships
2. Respect Boundaries
She can shut down when it comes to giving her a handjob—verbally or physically—so your best scenario includes a dialogue where you not only ask, but also observe what feels good to her and what doesn’t. She may also just say, “I like a bit of finger foreplay, but I’m not that into it.” Or, “get your finger off my button, now!”
Read: BDSM Limits and Boundaries to Discuss
3. Set a Comfortable Scene
Any kind of foreplay works best when the environment is comfortable and relaxing, where a woman can enjoy what you are doing to its fullest. Put your phone away, turn the lights down low, play sexy music, turn the temperature up, offer libations—these can all work to create a pleasing environment for giving a woman a handjob.
Read: 20 Songs about Sex (To Have Sex To)
4. Try Different Positions
A woman sitting upright on a couch isn’t the best position to give her a handjob, but it’s not impossible. Ideally you want her lying down on the sofa or bed where she can part her legs for easier access, as you’ll want to see what you’re doing.
She can bend her knees, put one leg up on the back of the couch to really invite you in. Move around, see what works best.
Read: How to Change Sex Positions
5. Vary Pressure and Techniques
Now, onto the good stuff! With a handjob for men, it’s usually a wrap-around job. But for women, you’ll want to use all ten fingers for pleasing and teasing. Unfold her lovely layers to find her clitoris and other mysteries—study her uniqueness.
Vary how to provide pressure and digital stimulation, whether that be gently massaging, rubbing, swirling, patting, pinching and pulling.
Read: Dos and Don’ts of Fingering
6. Gauge Clitoral Sensitivity
When you find her clit, proceed with caution. Some guys just go right for the “button” and attack with too much force, thinking a woman will magically come when stimulated.
You’ll want to be very gentle at first to know just how sensitive a particular woman is. I suggest moving on and off the clit, paying close attention to her physical and verbal cues.
Read: Pussy Torture: 14 BDSM Pussy Play Ideas
7. Please Other Parts of Her Body
Just because you’re giving a handjob to a woman, it doesn’t mean you can’t do other wonderful things at the same time. One hand can be on her vulva and/or clit while the other goes wandering.
Touch her face, breasts, tummy, hips, thighs, calves, feet. Let your fingers do the walking to let her know you see and feel the whole of her.
Read: 5 Breast Foreplay Ideas to Try
8. Add Toys
A great handjob doesn’t have to be just hands. Sex toys always add an extra layer that can ramp up the event. Many women love adding a small bullet vibrator to the mix, providing a sensation on the clit, not always possible with fingers alone.
Your toy might be a butt plug (mind fingers going anywhere near the butthole to prevent cross contamination.) Other fun sex toys to add to your play include magic wands, g-spot stimulators, and warming oils.
Read: A Man’s Guide to Sex Toys and Accessories
9. Experiment with Lubes
Even the wettest woman can benefit from lube, especially to get the party started. Rubbing a dry vagina that isn’t aroused yet isn’t comfortable and can sink the ship before it even sets sail.
Have different lubes on hand and use liberally to get your fingers slipping and sliding. Be aware of any allergies or sensitivities before slathering.
Read: Lubricants: Silicone-based vs Water-based
10. Give a Handjob in Public
Who says a handjob can’t happen outside the bedroom or home? The handjob is really the perfect sex act to take on the road, without those around you always knowing what’s happening.
You give up the comfort and access that home provides, but it will be made up for in the risk of getting caught… on the train, under the restaurant table, in a booth at your local dive bar.
Read: Why Sex in Public Is So Hot
11. Have Her Fully or Partially Clothed
There’s nothing quite as sexy as parting a woman’s panties to the side before sliding your fingers inside her warm and inviting pussy. You can ask her to leave her pants on—skirt or dress—while you explore her insides, playing with her clit. Maybe you’re still fully clothed, or naked if that’s your kink.
Read: CFNM 101: The Clothed Female Naked Male Kink
12. Add Dirty Talk
You can turn up the heat by telling her how much you love doing what you’re doing, describing her beautiful pussy and what makes it so hot. Pat her puss while telling her what a “good girl” or “dirty slut” she is (if you have a D/s relationship or roleplay going). Tell her how hard it’s making you to touch and play with her clit.
Read: Talking Dirty And Knowing What To Say
13. Ask for Her Participation
She can always be part of the play using her own two hands to open up her outer labia, letting you have a full view to work your magic. Maybe her hands are playing with your cock while lying in a sideways 69 sex position. Or she may be the one operating a vibrator on her clit while you use two fingers to penetrate.
Read: 69ing Tips for Kinky Couples
14. Add Bondage to the Mix
For BDSM enthusiasts or just the curious, adding bondage to your next handjob scene will definitely heighten the play… and pleasure. Tie her wrists, so she can’t move your fingers away (employ a safe word or hand signal to stop the action if she desires.) Tie legs and arms spread eagle for maximum vulnerability and access.
Read: 10 Bondage Sites for Learning the Ropes
15. Play with Edging and Denial
She may tell you when she’s about to come, or you may very well know that yourself, especially with a long-term partner.
Denying orgasm can make it that much more explosive, so back off every time you get close to attend to other areas of her body that tickle your fancy. Go back and bring her to the brink again, only to pull back. Repeat.
Read: Orgasm Denial: 8 Games and Ways to Play
How do you make your partner come with your fingers? Please share!
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