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How to Enjoy Vanilla Sex

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Maybe you’ve met a woman who you thought was kinky, but it turns out her idea of kinky is to be on top. Or maybe your partner has decided to take a break from her BDSM proclivities for who knows how long. Or maybe it’s you who wants to pull back on your kinks because you’re feeling you’re moving into dangerous territory.

Whatever the reason, it’s very common to be with a partner who is less or more kinky than you. Finding kink compatibility is a challenge, even when it comes to online dating which can make it easier to find hookups overall.

So let’s say you’re fantasizing about clamping nipples, tying her up, and spanking her for bad behavior, but she’s having none of it. This doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy yourself. There are many ways to experience vanilla sex and still get off.

5 Ways to Enjoy Vanilla Sex with Her

1. Fantasize during Sex

You probably already do this, but may not realize to what extent. I’m not suggesting you fantasize about someone else, but imagine the circumstances you desire. Sometimes I put my hands above my head and pretend that they are tied while my boyfriend mounts me. Sometimes I close my eyes and pretend I’m wearing a blindfold. There are many ways you can pretend and still get the same effect or feeling you desire.

It’s an excellent way to use your imagination. You can also share your fantasies with your partner, and who knows, it may just be a seed planted, but that grows in time.

2. Take Pleasure from Her Pleasure

If this isn’t a part of your everyday sex manual, then pencil it in moving forward. It’s the number one quality of a top-notch lover. Selfish sex sucks and is a big reason women don’t go back for more. A partner who is good, giving, and game is what we all desire.

Even if a lover’s pleasure doesn’t come from the same things that bring you pleasure, you should still be able to enjoy what I like to call secondhand pleasure, the high you get from watching someone else feeling good.

3. Get Back to Basics

Do you sometimes feel that the high you used to get from certain BDSM activities doesn’t quite cut it anymore? It could be that you have become desensitized, that you need to go further and further to feel the same thing. This can be problematic in that you will find it harder and harder to meet partners who are interested in your too-specific kinks, and they may have become dangerous (physically and mentally) for you and would-be partners.

Going vanilla, at least for a time, can help reset your kink clock, and allow you to ease back into your old kinks or explore new ones from a fresh place.

4. Use Kink Deprivation for Greater Appreciation

Depriving yourself of kink by choice can be its own kink. If you say to yourself that you cannot indulge in a particular kink for a set amount a time, it will either have you come back with an even greater zest for it, or you will be forced to explore new kinks that may find a place just as close to your heart as those previous.

Some kinks can be addictive or impede in our overall enjoyment of life, or interfere in daily routines, so it’s okay to take a break and chill with a vanilla partner from time to time, or choose to do so for your own well being.

How do you enjoy vanilla sex? Do you find it difficult?

Tell us what you think!

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Kink Lovers is the online magazine for kinky people into BDSM, fetish, and kink. If you want to explore your kinky side, spice up your love life, or meet new kinky partners - enter the world of Kink Lovers. Enjoy D/s relationship advice, kink education and resources, BDSM and kink dating tips, fetish facts, and reader confessions.

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