Just the Tips

Giving up Control: How to Let Go During Sex

Woman Sitting on Top of Her Lover

I want to talk about letting go and giving up control in the bedroom.

Do you consider yourself a submissive? Are you a demure kitten? Or even possibly a so-called sexual “starfish” in the sheets? We are not here to judge or disrespect whatever you are into in the sack, oh no. We just want you to have the most fun you can, courageous explorer!

Some people are naturally more laid-back in the sheets and prefer the other person to be in the driver’s seat, to take control of the situations and positions as they cruise along for the ride. They are comfortable to let the driver know if they are getting carsick or need a pee break or something of the sort. Some people just aren’t dominant in the bedroom.

But, some people are! They have lots of energy and ideas, an active imagination, and lots of intentions for connection. But when do those people ever get a break from always having their foot on the sexual gas pedal?

A Break from Taking Control

Have you ever heard of the boardroom executive who spends all day in the power position, barking orders at subordinates and employees galore? When they get off work and find themselves in another environment, they prefer to be the exact opposite.

They want someone else to boss them around while they let go during sex and enjoy what it’s like to not make any decisions, nor have to exert any power over anyone. Just enjoy the sexual scenery as someone else drives the dream forward.

Read: Let Her Dominate You

Well, these people totally exist, and to varying degrees, more of us are like them too. We DO have a competitive nature that is nurtured and cultivated by society daily, so let’s turn it off and explore some ways we can relinquish control once we get our clothes off.

5 Ways to Let Go During Sex

1. Play the Part

Roleplaying is always a great option to help someone take their baby steps into another identity and new expression of self-satisfaction.

If you can’t imagine yourself without the normal power moves and hardcore talk you usually engage in, pretend you’re a virgin teenager on prom night! Play the role of someone who has little social and sexual experience, or revert back to a time when you had less experience, and recreate that in the now. Take it to church or school. Get naughty and wild if you want, but remember to keep your innocence close, ha ha.

Read: 4 Sexy Role Plays for D/s Couples

2. Try New Toys

Not only can you incorporate some of the roleplay aspects into your use of sex toys, but using new sex toys AUTOMATICALLY should make you slow down, take things easy, read the instructions, and communicate with a partner if you have one, and therefore, share the power you both own in the moment.

Toys should be used slow at first, always, and with safety precautions. Toys will help people use their power wisely and responsibly… and if not, pain will happen! So, keep the buzz low.

3. Explore BDSM

BDSM is directly involved in determining who has what power, and who gets what power taken away from them. The dominant-submissive and master-slave dynamics are all about power exchange in relationships.

Before you flip the switch, discuss consent first! BDSM can be the most empowering of any human experience imaginable, or it can be hell on earth if trapped in an unwanted powerplay. Do it right, and be nice when you’re being mean. Boundaries exist for a reason!

Read: BDSM Play: The BIG List of BDSM Activities

4. Say Nothing

Have you ever had a sexual experience with NO dialogue, but one where  everyone expresses themselves with their body and feels what they say to you through their body?

Not using one’s mouth to give orders completely changes the idea of power. And if you can’t make demands or force someone to do what you want because you are the Dom in a kinky scene, then you have to think outside the box for new ways to get inside the box, ha ha.

If you have to, throw on a blindfold and really take the lack of control to another fun level of experience. Learn how to let go during sex with no words, no sight, just… vibes.

Read: 4 Sexy Ideas for Blindfold Fun

5. Watch and Learn

Instructional videos that show couples new ideas about Dom and sub roles, sex positions, kink, bondage, or some other aspect you are interested in trying together can be surprisingly helpful.

Read: BDSM Education: How to Learn BDSM Online

I also recommend in-person workshops held at sex conventions or clubs or shops. They are a great way for you both to slow it down, and take things one step at a time. If you are both newbies to domination and submission, it’s wise to learn a tip or two from experts to avoid foolish play that can be psychologically or physically dangerous.

Build your foundation first, and then go “off-script” and start doing what feels right for both of you. Let go during sex and give up control for a while, then take it back for fun!

Now you’re playing with power,
Addi “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart

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