Facts & Info

Fluid Bonding in Kink Relationships

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In kink and in the polyverse you may have heard the term “fluid bonding.” What is it, and what’s the deal?

Stefani Goerlich, a sex therapist who works with the kink community, told Elite Daily, “Fluid bonding is the act of choosing to engage in activities that will allow for the cross-sharing of bodily fluids.”

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You might wonder why would anyone want to do that, aside from the extra skin feel of not using a condom or the desire to try for a child. It might just not seem worth the risks.

Here’s what you need to know about fluid bonding.

This isn’t something new.

Fluid bonding is just new terminology for the facts of life. You make love, and the woman might get pregnant. The body fluids like ejaculate or blood or vaginal lubrication can spread disease. Taking these risks together is not new.

It’s a personal choice we all make in some relationships or at some point of our lives. Many people decide to try for a baby or to to be in a relationship where they don’t use condoms.

Some proponents consider fluid bonding the ultimate in true intimacy, both physical and emotional.

Because nothing is withheld, symbolically and physically, and a person is given and received sexually in the completeness of the acts, fluid bonding is super intimate.

Because we don’t swap fluids with most partners, that exclusiveness can make it a very emotional bond as well.

Don’t be pressured into fluid bonding as an impulse or as a kink.

Some men and women will say anything and try anything in the heat of the moment to get the kind of sex they want, but no sexual decision should be a matter of impulse.

If someone wants to transgress your safe sex boundaries, they might try using all the fluid bonding talk to their advantage. Don’t fall for it. If you’re going to fluid bond with that person, it can wait until you’ve considered the subject carefully and made the necessary medical tests and desired commitments.

Some fluid-bonding proponents feel we have exchanged quality for quantity.

Variety is hot, but comes at a price, and the price is not just risk of STIs but loss of complete sex.

“Deep sex simply can’t happen with barriers. It’s fine, it’s great, but the complete sex act involves your partner’s bodily fluids,” my friend Rachel says. She is really kinky and has enjoyed polyamory for years, but now advocates for serial monogamy or selective polycules with fluid exchange.

“Sex is body and soul,” she says. “In the same way that some feel sex without love or an emotional connection doesn’t compare to sex when you have that connection, we are also neglecting part of our bodies by blocking fluid exchange. We have bacteria, hormones, and vitamins in our fluids, and mingling these fluids not only creates new life but creates life between lovers. Our bodies are an ecosystem and deep kissing and sex fluids merge during real sex. Sex takes place at a cellular level, at the microscopic level too.”

Monogamy or limited fluid-bonding partnerships are still the safest ways to play.

Couples who only make love with each other, who are using another method of birth control or who are aiming for pregnancy, is where fluid bonding makes sense.

If the ideas surrounding fluid bonding make sense to you, choosing one partner who is willing to commit lowers the risk considerably.

For polyamory folks like me, the idea can still work—fluid bonding could be the ultimate gift between primary partners, with barrier sex for everyone else. Or, a group of poly lovers commits to sex with members of that chosen polycule, after STI testing, and don’t stray from outside of that group.

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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