It’s amazing how loaded with emotional voltage the word “incest” is. Even icky fluid kinks like vomit or sploshing or taboo fetishes like torture or erotic asphyxiation don’t have this much baggage.
Most people have entertained sexual thoughts about a family member, but that’s not the same as a kink or fetish. We’ve all read about adopted folks unwittingly finding their brother or mother and an unexpected sexual attraction engulfing them. There are times when an unpredictable turn of events causes people to fall in love with a cousin or half sister. But these people found themselves in tricky situations—few of them were obsessed with incest fantasies beforehand.
Most of us have a natural sexual aversion to our closest family members. Most young men fantasize about their mother, but when it comes to reality, prefer to play out such dramas with an unrelated female. In studies where participants were asked to sniff t-shirts drenched in sweat and rate the scents—arousing, neutral, unpleasant or disgusting—people who had no idea the subjects would include a brother or sister rated their family’s odors as foul.
Still, if a person is attracted to someone in their family, if that person is of age, is this really a problem? Why do we have such a volatile response to the very idea? What if two people are both adults and fully consenting, does society really have the right to disapprove and make their love illegal?
Our feeling of disturbance might come from the possibility that a person might have incest as a kink because they were abused. We tend to be sexually aroused for life by our earliest imprints. So if our partners or ourselves admit to desire for a family member, it is a kind of scar. But this imprinting is true of other kinds of fetishes too.
Not always, but sometimes, folks are into humiliation, BDSM, rape fantasies, and more, because of their early awakenings. We consider it even healthy to play out those power dynamics in the bedroom with consenting adults. So why is it different with incest?
I am not sure there’s an answer. For those of you with incest fetish fantasies, it can be hard to find even pornography to jerk off to. Incest porn is usually very careful to be about step-sisters and step-fathers, etc. Actual incest pornography is illegal in some states and nations, so filmmakers skirt the issue by calling the players “step” siblings, etc.
Incest itself even between consenting adults is illegal in most states and even though some cultures allow for and encourage cousin marriages, religious or legal punishment for consensual incestuous relationships ranges around the world and includes fines, prison, and capital punishment.
Those who harbor strong sexual desires for family members, even if you’ve never carried them out and won’t, are up against a lot of judgment and a terrible lack of fantasy resources. You’re in a rare position that there aren’t many situations where you could explore or celebrate your fetish, whether in fantasy or in real experiments.
If you are struggling with strong negative feelings of shame, I would look for a support group or a trusted therapist to move beyond self-shaming. If you resent not being able to indulge your desire, find a kinky open-minded partner who enjoys intense taboo role play, and enjoy walking close to the wild side.
Tell us what you think