Wondering why you didn’t get a second date with a woman you met online?
Sometimes the answer is obvious because maybe you had nothing in common, or you discovered your relationship goals weren’t in sync. In this post I’m going to touch on some of the possible reasons she didn’t want a second date, as well as things you might try to improve future outcomes. Keep in mind that this advice comes from my own online dating experiences and won’t necessarily reflect what other women are thinking, particularly the one you wish had given you a second chance.
1. You didn’t ask her enough questions.
People love to talk about themselves. Remembering this fact alone will greatly improve your first dates for a few reasons. It will help you get to know her better while letting her know, (or at least think) that you’re truly interested. Also, the opposite scenario of this is the number one reason I won’t see a guy a second time… if you only talk about yourself and don’t ask any questions it comes off as egotistical, no matter how enraptured she appears.
2. Your body language and eye contact was all wrong.
It may seem difficult to determine things like how-close-is-too-close or when a touch on the arm is appropriate. Just use your best judgement and above all be AWARE of how it’s being received. If she’s inching away then stop pushing closer. Maybe even more telling is eye contact. I have had some very strange dates with men whose eyes are everywhere but on me, which can be both distracting and unsettling. If you can’t help yourself from looking all over then seat yourself facing the wall so that your date is the only thing to focus on.
3. Conversation was difficult or didn’t flow.
I have an easy tip for avoiding this problem: See number one above! If you ask lots of questions and show a keen interest in your date, then keeping the conversation flowing shouldn’t be an issue. If you did this and things were still difficult, you might chalk it up to nerves or just have to accept that the two of you are not a fit and she was right to decline a second date.
4. You misrepresented yourself in your online profile.
In this category there are both small offences and major ones. I believe that “little white lies” or lies of omission can really affect a woman’s ability to trust you and is a terrible way to get started. Adding an inch to your height, while common, is an example of a small indiscretion. Moving down the scale are things like lying about your age or using outdated profile photos. Much worse is when a man waits until the first date, (or later!) to tell you he has children. While this isn’t always a deal breaker for a woman, the fact that you didn’t tell her right away probably will be.
5. Your mobile phone was a third wheel.
Everyone has different ideas about what’s the acceptable use of a phone in social settings. However, on a first date where first impressions are everything, please put that thing away! Better yet, turn it to silent so that ignoring calls is even easier. If you do have something important that might come up then it’s okay to quickly check, just be sure to apologize when you do. If you really can’t keep your device out of your hands, you might want to postpone dating until you can.
You may look at the reasons above and think that none of those applied to you and she STILL didn’t want to go out with you again. Unfortunately, you may never know for sure why you didn’t get a second date. If you’re brave, you might consider going straight to the source and ask her. Do this in a way that doesn’t sound like a complaint or obsessive. Try something like, “I respect your decision to not go out again, but I’d like to improve my dating skills, and I’m wondering if there was any feedback you could give me?” She may not want to tell you the truth in order to spare your feelings, but at this point there’s really nothing to lose by asking, is there?
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