Most of us fantasize about sex. We have fantasies about the people we want to have sex with, the kind of sex we want to have, and let’s be real—most of the time our fantasies are kinky!
So is a sex fantasy and sex dream the same thing? You may say, “I dream of being tied up and blown by a buxom brunette in leather,” but that is an expression of fantasy, not an actual sex dream or erotic dream.
What Is a Sex Dream?
A sex dream happens when you are asleep. It can be anything your waking imagination can “dream” up—threesomes, bi-curious experiences, kinky foreplay, oral, anal, orgasm denial, masturbation, and BDSM scenarios.
You may wake up during an erotic dream because your body actually becomes aroused from what is occurring in the dream. This happens to me—I will be so aroused that I will be touching myself, need to turn the light on, and masturbate before I can go back to sleep. It’s quite thrilling because it is a rare experience. I probably have only two or three erotic dreams a year.
Some people who have sex dreams don’t remember because they generally don’t remember any kinds of dreams. Others will only remember bits and pieces, and some people may report never having had a sex dream.
Sex dreams happen most frequently during the rapid eye movement (REM) stage of sleep, but they can happen at any stage of sleep.
How to Dream about Sex
There is really no way to make yourself dream about sex. And the dreams we do have are often confusing and bizarre with little to no connection to reality, unlike our daydream fantasies that may come true.
If you’ve already made connections from real life to what you dream about this can help. For some, what happens before bedtime can influence what they dream about. You can try watching porn or actually having sex to see if that has an effect.
Try reading erotic literature to see if that sinks into your subconscious. Some people believe certain foods before bed can trigger sexual dreams.
Some people report sex dreams when they meditate on a fantasy or person they are attracted to right before bed. They sometimes touch themselves, their genitals, and other erogenous zones before turning the lights out.
Read: 5 Ways to Make Masturbation Kinky
The environment you sleep in can also help promote sex dreaming. Create a sexy aura with soft lighting, music you find sexy, and wear to bed what makes you feel sexy.
To remember dreams, it is recommended that you record them when they happen in a notebook by the bed—fostering this habit when you wake will help you to remember.
Lucid Dream Sex
Lucid dreaming is when you are aware that you’re dreaming. In some lucid dreams, the dreamer can control aspects of the dream, such as the characters, environment, and what happens during the dream.
Despite the fact that the sensations can feel realistic during a lucid erotic dream, sometimes dreamers find themselves enjoying situations that they wouldn’t necessarily want to recreate in real life.
My lucid sex dreams feel so real and always crossover into real-life masturbation because of the high level of arousal. You can try the same techniques mentioned to inspire any kind of sex dream—the difference is how real these types of dreams will feel.
Read: Can Women Orgasm in Their Sleep?
What Do Sexual Dreams Mean?
There are different theories about what sex dreams mean or tell you about a person’s conscious thoughts, but for now, without scientific evidence they are just that—theories.
Some believe that dreams give us a chance to act out specific scenarios that are buried in our subconscious or help our brain map and store memories. Some suggest that sex dreams are a way to cope with past traumas or stressors in our daily lives.
“Dreams are a way to reveal what is invisible to you. They serve as an inner guidance system, give you commentary about how you’re living your life, and reveal symbolic images for you to explore with curiosity.” – Dr. Janet Brito, psychologist and certified sex therapist.
Read: My Kinky Sleep Paralysis Sex Dream
Common Sex Dreams
Sex with an Ex
Having a sex dream about sex with your ex doesn’t mean you necessarily want to fuck your ex (but it could!) It might just mean that there are things that you still need to work out, either on your own or in-person with them. If you’re single and the sex WAS great, maybe the sex in the dream is about missing that kind of connection.
Read: Should You Date an Ex-Girlfriend or Hookup?
Group Sex
Even though threesomes and group sex encounters are one of the most popular fantasies out there, they don’t happen in real life as often as we would like. So they do have a way of working their way into our dreams. I’ve had a few threesome dreams where I’m the voyeur, getting turned on by watching, sometimes two women and sometimes two men. Titillating to be sure!
Bi-Curious
You can know that you are not gay, but still fantasize about the same sex because it feels like some kind of taboo in your mind. Or maybe you “dream” about what it might be like to kiss, lick, suck and fuck another guy, but you know you’ll never go there.
Your mind can explore all kinds of things when your conscience lets go.
Read: Giving up Control: How to Let Go in Bed
Domination and Submission
Games of domination and submission may be a real-life fantasy that has gone deep into your subconscious and is being played out while you are asleep.
Just like one needs to let go in order to fall asleep, you may be having a sex dream about letting go in the role of submissive.
Other kinky folks have erotic dreams about dominating and being in charge, and sometimes this is because they don’t feel in control in other areas of their lives
While you can read anything you want into your sex dreams, it’s best not to take it too seriously. Forget the troubling dreams, and savor the most delicious!
Want to know about sleep and kink? Learn about Sleep Fetish and Somnophilia Tips
Do you have sex dreams? How often?
Tell us what you think