BDSM has always been there, but it was far more underground than it is now. It wasn’t in mainstream media, in small-town movie theaters, proudly displayed at the front of book stores on the bestsellers table, or the most-watched porn available. It just wasn’t what your grandmother talked about.
But now, it’s almost so readily available in every medium and marketed without much fuss, that it’s not seen as exciting and dangerous and taboo—which all contributes to the allure of kink and anything falling under the BDSM umbrella.
Explore: The Big List of BDSM Activities
If you do have a fetish or kink, then you know that sometimes you can fall into a rut, become disillusioned with your fave BDSM practice, not quite get the same thrill you once did. And finding a kink compatible partner is always a challenge, let’s be real.
Read: How to Get Out of Your Kinky Sex Rut
So what’s the answer? Why not go back to basics. Why not return to your vanilla roots, when just holding hands or brushing up against a woman’s shoulder sent a shiver right down to the tip of your cock.
But is this possible with the prevalence of porn and the thirst many men, and women, have to upgrade and outdo themselves in their bedroom pursuits? Can we still get excited by a no-frills hookup?
The answer is yes.
4 Ways to Enjoy Vanilla Sex Again
1. Abstain from Porn
This isn’t any advice you probably haven’t heard from friends or lovers or your fave podcast host. One of women’s top sex complaints about guys is that they act like they’re in a porno, that they replace tender caresses for porny moves like slaps on her butt when taking her from behind.
When you watch too much porn, you can not only forget the basic fundamentals of connection, but you also raise your threshold of what actually gets you excited. There’s no downside to taking a break, believe me.
Read: Are You Addicted to Porn?
2. Ditch Your Outworn Kinks
We are drawn to what we know, whether it’s good or bad for us, because it is familiar. And this goes for the people we date, the work we do, and the kinks and sexual proclivities we return to over and over.
Think about what sexual routines or BDSM practices you engage in. Do they really turn you on, or are they just part of a routine you’ve had for years and years? Maybe you want to take a break from dominating every woman you bring home, or get rid of that ball gag that was oh so thrilling after you watched Pulp Fiction but that now turns most of the ladies off.
3. Masturbate Less
How much a man masturbates is so individualistic. I’ve dated men who hardly ever did it and didn’t talk about it when they did, to men who masturbated five times a day AND who wanted sex a couple of times a day on top of that!
Whether you have a low libido or an out-of-control sex drive, it doesn’t hurt to play around with frequency. Much like a porn addiction, too much “me time” can dull the senses. You can turn it into a game if that helps. See how long you can go without. Or find out how much more jizz you produce when jerking off less. Vanilla sex is awesome sex when it’s the only sex!
Read: How to Keep Masturbation Fresh
4. Date Against Type
We all have a type, whether it’s super specific or not. Type can be hair color, personality, height, shape, or race. And this isn’t to say the girl-next-door types are not surprisingly the most kinky, but dating against type can bring you back to the basics before BDSM became the most important part of your sex life.
Some women don’t want sex on the first date, or even in the first few months, especially if they are looking for something serious. Having that barrier can be extremely hot, as long as you are also looking for something more than a hookup. The next time a woman contacts you on a dating site, think before you automatically reject her if she’s not your type.
Read: How to Step Up Your Online Dating Game
Do you still find a thrill in vanilla sex and dating? Please share!
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