Just the Tips

How to Contact Your Kinky Ex Girlfriend

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Do you want to contact an ex you had kinky sex with?

Most of us have an ex who stirs and ignites our kinky fantasies of old. She may be the first woman who let you tie her up to be teased. She may be the first lover you had that would indulge your crossdressing kink, by letting you wear her panties on a date.

Some relationships just aren’t meant to be, to stand the test of time. But hooking up with an ex isn’t anything new. And if it works for both parties, why shouldn’t it happen, right?

As someone who’s been on both sides—the person to reach out for a kinky last tryst and the one being invited back into someone’s bed—I’ve seen it work, not work, and everything in between.

If you do have a kinky ex girlfriend you want to hit up for a reunion in the sheets, here are my go-to rules that will give you the best odds of making it happen.

7 Tips for Contacting Your Kinky Ex GF for Sex

1. Ask Yourself if There’s a Real Chance

Let’s be real. Not every one of our exes would be thrilled to hear from us, about hooking up or otherwise.

If you have someone in mind, remember why you broke up and how she was feeling at the time. Have you even spoken to her recently, in the last twenty years? (I just had a guy reach out from that long ago who cheated on me. Suffice it to say, I did not respond.)

Your fantasy hookup may be just that—a fantasy. Seeking sex from someone you hurt just isn’t cool.

Read: 5 Reasons to Have Sex with Your Ex

2. Know Her Relationship Status

Your kinky ex girlfriend may be living in another country, married and with two kids, with her kinky past well behind her. She may have gone from being submissive, just the way you like, to making a living as a full-time dominatrix.

These are extreme examples to remind you how much can change when you lose contact with someone. You can check on social media or sites like LinkedIn for clues if don’t have mutual friends to ask.

3. Don’t Assume Anything.

This is a big one. Just because you are ready, willing, and able doesn’t mean she is.

She may be happy to keep you in her past forever. If you did her wrong, that shouldn’t come as any surprise. But sometimes women like to close each chapter of their lives, looking only forward, because certain people remind them of a difficult time. It may not be you specifically, but rather that period.

So even if it was an amicable breakup and she wants only the best for you, that may not include her at all.

Read: Is Hooking Up with an Ex a Good Idea?

4. Choose the Best Medium for Your Message

If you split up last year, and still check in to say hi every couple of months, a text might work. If you don’t have her phone number any more, but you follow each other on Twitter, you might try a direct message.

We all have preferences of connection, be it a straight-up phone call, text, or some other form of social media messaging. How did you used to communicate? Think about her and what her preference would be.

Read:  Sexting Dos and Don’ts for Kinky Guys

5. Be Genuine about Your Intentions

You can beat around the bush, like most guys do when they want a hook up with a kinky ex, or you can be direct about it. I would prefer the latter, as it doesn’t insult my intelligence.

Reaching out to a kinky ex girlfriend, looking for a hookup, is gutsy. Write something short and sweet, what I call a feeler message, that will help you gauge whether there is a chance. I might also write something, let it sit for a day, then reread it before sending—this will help you determine if reaching out is really a good idea, or if it’s just a horny moment in time that shouldn’t be acted upon.

6. Accept Rejection Gracefully and Acceptance Graciously

Is sex with a kinky ex girlfriend going to work most of the time? No. Even friendly exes know that it isn’t usually the best move, as it can ruin a good friendship. But it can be worth the instant gratification it offers, and even sometimes closure if the relationship ended without communication of any sort.

If you get zero response, do not send a second message. Zero means she’s not interested. Move on and look for someone new. If you do get to make your kinky fantasy hookup a reality, be grateful by expressing your gratitude, verbally… and physically. Don’t make her regret her decision!

7. Let Her Dictate the Terms

If she wants to hook up with you, her ex, then let her choose the place, when it’s going to happen, and whatever other terms she may want to put in place. Of course, she may enjoy playing the submissive and want you to take charge at some point, but let her decide going in how it will go down.

If all else fails you can always try meeting someone as kinky, or kinkier, than your ex girlfriend.

Try: Best Kinky Dating Sites

Have you hooked up with a kinky ex girlfriend for sex? Was it a positive or negative experience?

Tell us what you think!

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Kink Lovers is the online magazine for kinky people into BDSM, fetish, and kink. If you want to explore your kinky side, spice up your love life, or meet new kinky partners - enter the world of Kink Lovers. Enjoy D/s relationship advice, kink education and resources, BDSM and kink dating tips, fetish facts, and reader confessions.

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