In a sense, everything is a kink. If you think about vanilla sex—doors locked, lights out, in the missionary position—it’s really the most fucked up kind of sex there is, because it’s so sociopathically boring. I mean, you really have to be in a particular head space to be into that sort of denial of sensuality and desire.
Loveless relationships, where one partner simply loses all desire, or only fucks their spouse once a year, maybe on a birthday, are really the most intense master-and-servant relationships I can imagine. It is a manifestation of years upon years of passive-aggressive kinkiness. What an epic way to control someone. You hold all the cards for someone who desperately wants sex from you, but can’t get it, and can’t find the strength to leave either.
Anyhow, if everything is kinky, then nothing is kinky because kink can only be defined as being that which causes desire but is not like the ordinary and expected. it’s all a bit of a mind fuck.
A person who fucks a lot of other people, whether it be a man or woman, fucking other men or women, is usually thought of as a player, a slut, a dog, a whatever. Usually they get the blame for taking advantage. I don’t see it this way, though.
People who fall victim to players are often people who are broken in some way, or have an unhealthy sense of how to love themselves in the context of a relationship. Being played makes them feel good because it affirms what they believe about themselves. They allow themselves to be played over and over, because this is their kink. It’s what turns them on. The emotional pain, and the euphoria when the pain is taken away, are not any different from the physical pain of a riding crop.
So, you might say the player is unilaterally manipulating people. I say, though, that players are actually recruited by people who want to be played, because they are addicted to drama. This is a fucked up and dirty kink. Womanizers exist because there are women who want to be played that way, whether they know it or not. Their despair is part of the cycle of drama that they need in order to function in their broken way.
Meanwhile, going from partner to partner, and not connecting exactly with anyone is also a crazy kink. Everything is a crazy kink. Nothing is a crazy kink. That’s how I feel about it.
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