I don’t know why, but I get incredibly turned on by dates who go off the rails and tumble down into drama canyon. You’d think it would be the opposite, and that I’d want to find a nice stable person who loved me and felt like she wanted to treat me well.
I’ve fallen in with those nice, devoted, even-keeled ladies a number of times, but I always end up dumping them because their lack of unpredictability just bores me.
I went on a date the other night that was going oh so well. We met at happy hour and started drinking wine. We’d been getting to know each other on a dating site and through texts for a while and agreed to meet. It was nice. We shared a few truths, opened our hearts a little bit. It all seemed mostly normal.
At a certain point, she said she was bored of the bar and asked if I wanted to come over to her house. I said sure. No expectations, we’ll just hang out, drink more wine, whatever. So we hung out at her place, drew some pictures, talked about life and so on… but I noticed that she was getting more and more antsy as the clock ticked on. Not only this, but she was increasingly into her phone.
I didn’t take it too hard. I told her if she needed to get onto other stuff, that I would be fine with that. This is when she came up with the big reveal.
“Look,” she told me, “I just have one issue in life, and that’s blow.” She was jonesing for a hit of coke, and me being at her place was the only thing that stood in her way. I said it was fine I could leave, and she had already ordered a taxi anyhow. She burst into tears and started apologizing and saying she was sorry this date had turned to shit.
You’d think I’d be anxious to go and never see her again, but the truth is that I found the whole affair incredibly sexy. Maybe the window onto her vulnerability felt like an avenue for seduction that was based on a power play, rather than mutual respect and desire… that I could have her because she was broken. I admit that is fucked up, but it is also hot.
This is one of the foundations of kink, and I don’t mean pretend kink with safe words and mutually established boundaries and so on. I’m talking about real kink, which is more related to psychological warfare in the game of desire. It is more related to games of wolves and tigers pouncing on each other in the old growth forests of love.
Unfortunately for me, she took off in the taxi, and I didn’t see her again. That beautiful broken wolf slipped back into the undergrowth and was gone. Next time.
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