The world of casual sex, threesomes, and polyamorous living can be such an emotional minefield. One minute you think it’s going great because there are so very many places and ways to have orgasms, and the next you’re being stalked with crazy shit about to go down. What gives?
Remember that fetishes and kinks are hot, but also that fetishes and kinks are the gateway to crazy. The more fucked-up stuff somebody is into, the deeper their psychological damage likely is. This of course leads to incredibly hot sexual encounters and the kind of stuff that you’ll want to tell your grandchildren as they’re gathered around your deathbed.
Grandpa: Did I ever tell you kids about the time I dated those two nurses who were into electrocution play?
Kids: Yes, Grandpa, only a million times…
Grandpa: Who would have thunk they would end up being so crazy outside the bedroom too?
Kids: (sighing heavily): We know, Grandpa! Could you please just die already?
Jokes aside, lots of people who have wild kinks can play normal in polite society, but the magic potion that makes it work is having a partner you trust. You gotta know when and where it isn’t a good time to flip the switch. You gotta know that your partner won’t spill the beans on what you two get up to in secret, not use it in any public way to humiliate you—even after a breakup.
I’ve definitely been with some kinky-ass women, but I would never shame them, nor name them in public because I feel like what we’ve shared in secret is too much of a gift.
I know that some people own their kinks and advertise them, and yes that makes life easier sometimes because then you can meet people into the same fetishes as you, and you can avoid a lot of awkward conversations. But, not everybody is ready for that. Sometimes, part of the pleasure in life is about having different personalities that one can put on and take off.
It’s similar to the difference between being a trans person and to being a drag queen or crossdresser. A trans person owns their shit all day long. A person born with a male body, who feels female inside, lives as a woman 24/7. A person who likes dressing in women’s clothing sometimes, but other times as a man, is different. In this case the joy is in the transformation and in the ability to present different possibilities all the time.
There’s something beautiful and artful about being able to transform oneself, and as lovers of such magical beings, the best thing we can do is help them maintain their illusion.