Kink on a First Date

As kink and BDSM become more mainstream, it’s something that is being explored earlier in relationships. At least, that’s been my experience in the last few years. It’s not as difficult to bring up and talk about. But… does this mean it’s okay to be kinky with someone you’ve just met, or someone you’re only planning on having a one night stand with? I’m going to share with you two first dates where kink came into play.

Kinky First Date 1

I had a friend I’d known for seven years, more of an acquaintance really. We had started hanging out more and had many mutual friends. There was definitely chemistry that had been brewing and was about to boil over. After hanging out at a bar, I went to his place for more drinks. I wasn’t intending to sleep with him, but we started talking about sex and our experiences and the conversation turned to bondage and spanking. I made a joke about his belt (he had a nice buckle) and before you know it we were making out… and then we were role playing. It was fun and playful, and seemed very natural. In this example, a trust was already in place after years of casual interaction. We dated for almost a year, and it wasn’t the sex that ended things.

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Kinky First Date 2

I met a guy online, and we set up a date the following week. As always I was a little nervous, and when I saw him walk up to my table at a restaurant, I thought, nope, I’m not attracted to this guy. Well, that changed once we started talking. He made me laugh and had a boyish charm which I really enjoy. We swapped online dating stories, and some that included sex. I was so comfortable I invited him over and it became a 24-hour date, during which time we had sex five times! At one point, I asked him if he had ever tied a girl up (of course, this was my way of hinting I was up for a little kink). He said he wasn’t into “anything weird like that” which surprised me for some reason. It was still a great first date, but I realized for an ongoing relationship, I would need someone more adventurous.

I think it’s okay to bring up or even explore kink on a first date if you feel you can trust the person you are with, physically and mentally. I usually follow my gut, and it’s different date to date. I know some women (and men) who don’t think any kind of sex is a good idea on a first date, and that’s okay too. What are your thoughts on the subject? Please share in the comments.