Facts & Info

Dominant Traits

Man on top of Woman

New to the BDSM community? Are you a dom in training, or want to be. Here are traits required to be a successful sought after dom.

Dominant
This goes without saying. A meek mousy man is more cut out for the role of a submissive. You should have a natural leadership quality and be able to exert control with respect, intelligence and strength of character.

Self Acceptance
You must recognize your own needs, desires, and limitations. You must also accept these things in those you want to dominate.

Communication
With any relationship in BDSM, being able to talk about all feelings, concerns, or issues is integral to making things work. A dom must have the skills to communicate honestly about his needs, wants, fears, and anything else he feels important to the partnership. He must also be open to the expressions of feelings from others.

Understanding
One must be not only interested in his dominating role, but also take an active interest in understanding a submissive’s internal thoughts and desires. You must be compassionate to what affects your sub – emotionally, physically, and mentally and be willing to adjust your own behaviours accordingly.

Respectful
This should come through not only in actions, but also in your tone of voice. Courtesy must also be shown to other subs and doms if you are engaging in group play. Receiving the submission of a person is a gift and should thus be treated as such.

Confidence
This may take some time to build, but it’s what a willing submissive seeks and responds to. Actions should be smooth, assured and delivered with style.

Honesty
Don’t be afraid to express what you think and/or feel to a sub, and don’t tell a sub what you think he/she wants to hear. Honesty is necessary for trust which is mandatory in a sub/dom relationship.

Humble
You will make mistakes and never stop learning about the role you are playing. No one likes a dom who thinks they know it all or use their status to bully those around them. Your reputation is on the line if you see yourselves above those in your community.

Intelligence
You will want to learn all there is to about the role of a dominant before you go online to seek a submissive or venture out to bars looking for one. This includes learning about toys (how to use them safely), psychological aspects, styles of domination, and the lifestyle. It is important to get to know your sub intimately, not just as a sub, but also as a person.

Patience
This applies to learning and mastering the role as well as your direct behaviour to a sub. You need to know when to push a submissive (gently) or when to hold back because they are not ready. Have patience and compassion for your learning curve and that of a sub, who may need time to express their needs and desires.

Responsible
You are in control of a scene and must take responsibility for your self-control and the safety of your submissive. If you are just starting out you do not want to over reach your limits of experience even if a sub is begging for something new. Acknowledging mistakes and limitations is responsible and expected.

Do these characteristics apply to you or the dom in your life?

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