BDSM Dating

BDSM Pre-Meeting Questions

BDSM relationships begin in many ways. Finding your ideal partner doesn’t usually happen at the local bar or health club. Many people turn to online dating when looking for a match because it’s anonymous and you can find sites geared towards the BDSM lifestyle. Discussions between interested parties – as to what each person is seeking in their unique relationship – can develop slowly and comfortably. Individuals can also express their fears, desires, and experiences before a mutually beneficial agreement is made.

Pre-Meeting Discussions
These will help to ensure safety and also keep you from wasting time looking for a good match. You don’t need to give everything away that you’ve done or tried in the past, but you do want to share basic information on what it is you’re looking for in a mate and a relationship. Keep the conversation light yet honest to keep potentials from running away.

Questions you may want to ask pre-meeting:

What is your name or nickname?
How old are you?
Where do you live?
Are you married or seeing someone? Are they aware of your preferences?
What type of relationship are you looking for?
What are your preferred activities?
What are your limits?
Do you have a sexual preference?

If you have some back and forth and are able to see that there’s a possibility that you may connect and want to meet this person face-to-face, here are a few more questions.

Where should we meet and when (keep it public for safety)?
What are you expecting from this encounter?
Is there a chance of physical activity when we meet? Do you want there to be?
Do you smoke, drink, or do drugs, how often?
Do you have medical issues I should know about such as pregnancy, allergies, epilepsy, HIV/AIDS?

Kinklovers: What other questions do you ask before meeting someone?

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Tell us what you think! 5 Comments

  1. Jen

    January 7, 2014 at 7:11 pm

    These are the type of things everyone should ask when online dating! 😀
    These were awesome tips! Thank you so much for the article.

    • Holly

      Holly

      January 7, 2014 at 7:42 pm

      Thanks for your comment, Jen. I think it’s important to find out as much as you can before meeting, especially as a woman for safety reasons.

  2. Gary

    March 23, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    My honey and I are getting into SMBD (her idea). I see numerous sites where a womans tits are bound and the tits are turning purple. How long is it recommended these tits be bound and turning purple. Thank you.

    • Lola Page

      Lola Page

      March 25, 2014 at 1:17 am

      Hi Gary,

      Please be very careful with this!

      I have read that this kind of bondage can shut down blood flow to endocrine tissue in the breasts, which in turn can endanger the immune system. Some Doms will not even consider doing breast bondage on women over 30 due to increased health risks including breast cancer. Others will limit the amount of time to 10 minutes or less.

      There are ways to bind the breasts that do not involve cutting off blood flow in this way, so there is no need to apply pressure to the point where the breasts turn purple. See some examples here: http://www.peter-masters.com/wiki/index.php/Breast_bondage

      Here is a good rule of thumb for bondage: If you can’t easily insert a finger between the flesh and the rope, then leave the rope tied for less than 15 mintues. Afterwards, fully release the rope to allow full circulation. Before you try any of this out, please read more about breast health as it relates to bondage here: http://www.masterdale.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=3250

      • Gary

        April 7, 2014 at 9:09 pm

        Enough said. I’ll avoid this play. Thanks
        Gary

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