Many people do not begin to explore their kinky selves until they have had many years of sexual experience. This can be for a number of reasons, including confidence and a lack of knowledge around kink and bdsm. And it’s not always easy sharing our secret fantasies with someone, especially in a new relationship. So once you do have the courage to bring up something kinky you love to do, or would like to try for the first time, what do you do when your partner says no way? Do you keep asking, hoping they will come around? Check out these suggestions of what you can try, if your current lover isn’t into your sexual proclivities?
Be Patient. Sometimes a flat-out no is always going to be a no, but there are many people who just need time to mull over your fantasy or fetish before they try it. Other lovers will take some time, and decide that although it may not be their turn on, they will get off just knowing how much it pleases you.
Open the Relationship. You don’t have to be poly to allow a third person into your sex life. A lot of couples consent to having someone join in just to fulfill a fantasy because one partner has no interest. This could be anything from a cuckold fantasy to hiring a professional dominatrix for regular sessions. It’s often unrealistic to think one person can fulfill all our sexual desires.
Move on. Depending on how long you’ve been in your relationship, you may want to move on if your lover has too many limits and boundaries to meet your tastes and interests in the bedroom. Sex isn’t everything, but it’s important to most individuals and shouldn’t be something that needs constant negotiation, resulting in disappointment and frustration. We all deserve to be with someone we have sexual chemistry with.
Engage in Solo Play. There are many ways to fly your kink flag on your own. All you need is imagination and maybe a few toys. I like to role play while masturbating. I act out both parts with dialogue and it turns me on almost as much as if I was with someone else. You can also watch your fantasy or fetish through porn as a means to satisfy your itch until you find a real-life play partner.
4 Ways to Introduce Kinky Sex to Your New Partner
What do you do when your lover isn’t interested in your fantasy or fetish?
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