A good friend of mine found himself dating a vanilla girl. Russell wasn’t looking for her. He dates kinky women. He’s aware of how complicated the plain and simple can get.
He’s not interested in toning down the fetishes that bring him pleasure and a more meaningful life. His online dating profiles spell it out clearly.
Meet kinky women now at BDSMdate.com!
Just like a scene in a bad rom-com, he bumped into her at Starbucks. Her venti spilled all over her dress and his suit, their eyes met, and the rest is history.
It happens to all of us. We find ourselves entwined with someone who we are sexually incompatible with.
Maybe in the best case scenario, it would be something out of Fifty Shades of Grey—the beautiful naif succumbing to his charms and wiles while he teaches her the, ahem, ropes.
But Russell wants to be the one bound and gagged, tossed about, kicked, crushed, and left to rot in a room until his leather-clad goddess returns with some whips and an enema.
What To Do When You Fall for a Vanilla Woman
1. Take the new path that life has presented.
You didn’t want to be saved or become a new person. You didn’t want to leave behind the filthy dungeon of your dark heart and hard dick. Plus, you’re not sure you can.
Still, it’s an option. We should consider all the options. You could think of it as the ultimate submission.
Most people decide they can’t commit to a life without kink, and that’s fine. What you don’t want is regret later, knowing that you didn’t really think it through.
2. Give it a chance.
You don’t have to decide with whom to spend the rest of your life with on a first date. And nor do you have to decide if you can be happy sexually. Why not ease up on the pressures presented in this conflict, and give things a chance?
Be present when you make love. Maybe you’re waiting for something more, a lot more. Can you find a way to give into the softer sensations and the more easy going simplicity?
Some of us are more flexible than others. While I love all things kinky, I also love just macking on the sofa for hours with a hottie and seeing how wet my jeans can get without taking them off.
Maybe it’s been so long for you that you’ve forgotten. Your body responds to intense sensations, but don’t ignore the softer ones. Sit back, relax, fool around.
4. Meet her halfway.
The most common solution to the kinky-vanilla love connection is the half and half.
She may not have entertained these kinks, but in the throes of passion, she develops a taste for them. Your part of the bargain is to do the same.
Two people in love can make this option work beautifully.
Sometimes the nature of the kink lover’s fetish is disturbing or revolting to the vanilla partner—not because they are closed minded, but because some things that turn some people on are a huge turn off to others.
Practitioners of artful bondage will find furries or diaper kinks childish or messy. There are submissives who cannot act dominant with a straight face. But for the most part, when both are willing, there’s a way.
4. Break up.
Most of us who have been in this situation have ended up here at some point. Sad, but anyone who has ever dated anyone has ended up here.
Don’t rush to break up if everything is magic, if you’re happy and in love.
The option to break up will still be there, but you might want to exhaust the other options first. Give it a real shot if it’s worth it.
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