Can Long-Distance Love Work For You?

Long-distance relationships have a bad reputation because many don’t work out. It seems obvious that to be in a relationship, you have to, well, be there.

Even couples who are solid often separate if distance happens during their marriage or relationship.

Many lovers find being apart depressing, threatening, or pointless, and so many potential happy matches are never realized because few people will even consider long-distance love.

The Challenge of Long-Distance Relationships

It is true that long-distance love can be challenging or impossible. If you have three young kids and work fifty hours a week, for example, it is probably not possible to fly to Berlin once a month to see your kinky new mistress or do what she tells you. Or if you work best spending time with a lover every day, seeing your wife twice a year probably won’t fly.

But it’s not all gloom, either. For the minority of people for whom long-distance love works well, it has many bonuses. You don’t have to give up your life or culture or family or language or job to be in relationship with the right person, the way one would if moving to the other’s world. You fight less with fewer day-to-day conflicts, and the sex can be exhilarating because it never gets too familiar, and the anticipation builds continually.

Read: 4 Ways to Build Anticipation before a Date

Kinky love can work well long distance, because many fetishes are adaptable to virtual life.

Here are some important questions to help you evaluate whether you and your lover can make long-distance love work long term.

Can You Make Long-Distance Love Work for You?

Are you both independent people?

It can be difficult for people who enjoy or prefer doing things by themselves to adjust to or maintain a relationship, because expectations are often that you will do most things together or that something is “wrong” if you want time or space to yourself.

Read: 5 Essential Tips for Introvert-Extrovert Couples

Even with a partner who understands that the other is an introvert personality or fuels internally from solitude, you still see your lover frequently and are expected to attend family events and be present.

If you are both so independent that you often feel crowded, a long-distance relationship can be heaven sent.

You may not quite be at that extreme, but if you prefer your own company much of the time, you are a prime candidate for a successful long-distance relationship. If your lover is the same way, long-distance love might be even better than the near thing.

Are your other commitments flexible?

If you have relative freedom and autonomy in your schedule with work, school, and family—fantastic. It is much easier to engage in a long-distance relationship if you are free to come and go as you please. If it is impossible to juggle your schedules, work commitments, family responsibilities, and more, it might not make sense to plan a life with someone who lives in another city or country.

Are you polyamorous?

Long-distance love does not require a particular sexual orientation or lifestyle to be successful. You don’t have to be kinky, either. That said, it’s something to think about. Over time, is having sex once a month or three times a year enough for you? If you are monogamous, that could be a recipe for disaster or heartache.

Some people have a lower libido or find the excitement and anticipation thrilling. But not everyone can go without for long periods of time. If you have other sexual partners for release, that can benefit a long-distance love affair.

Read: 4 Truth for Those Considering Polyamory

Are you willing to communicate often with technology?

If you hate video calls or talking on the phone, or don’t know how to set up a Zoom, it will be harder to be present in each other’s life. Just because you live far away doesn’t mean it’s not a relationship, but relationships need communication. How much is different for every couple, but these kinds of relationships work best if you are comfortable texting and on video. You’ll want to show each other snapshots and video clips of your day or at least special events, and talk regularly.

Technology can also be useful maintaining a kinky sexual relationship. Kink can work quite well online. Voyeurism, role play, mutual masturbation, and more, can all be kink friendly. The distance itself can be a kind of bondage or orgasm denial. People often go online to live a virtual kink life that makes their fantasies come true, so this can work well if you are in a long-distance relationship and can be creative about sexu.

Read: How to Have Phone Sex That’s Fun for Everyone Involved

Is quality more important to you than quantity when it comes to kink and libido?

When it comes to in-person sex, are you able to adjust to a less-is-more policy? If you are monogamous and need sex twice a day, it might not work getting together every other month or even every weekend. Can you live with hot sex less frequently without resenting your partner or the distance? Can you enjoy tech-facilitated sex more often and in-person sex occasionally, and be fulfilled with that? This is an important consideration.

For some people, the choice is very clear: sex with this particular lover is what is important, not frequency. For others, it is not realistic to maintain. It is easier to meet for more sex if you live two hours apart than if it’s a fifteen-hour flight. These are all unique considerations for your situation.

Are you both financially comfortable?

If you are working night shifts at the Circle K it may not be realistic to maintain a relationship with someone who lives in Australia, thousands of dollars in airfare away. If you are retired and wealthy, hopping on a plane each month to spend time with your kinky lover in Paris may be an amazing way to spend your life.

You do not have to be rich to have a successful long-distance love. Both of you might contribute to meeting, and maybe it’s all about taking a train on weekends, not about airplanes and summer villas. But looking at where you are financially and how it will work for your budgets is essential planning to be sure.

Are you in a successful long-distance relationship? Share your tips in the comments!