Making your kinky fantasies come true is truly the best, isn’t it? It is, and often sharing them is one of the first steps to achieving your sexual dreams. But jumping the gun and sharing too soon or when it’s not appropriate can derail any kink fulfillment.
6 Reasons NOT to Share Your Kinks… Yet
1. Your kink is only at the fantasy level.
With little to no experience with a kink or fetish, you may want to wait either to get that experience (alone if need be) or at least to research more about it. Don’t rely on porn as your instructor, please.
It’s not a problem if you’ve chosen a partner specifically because she is an expert on your fetish, and the agreement is that she will show you the ropes. But if you want a new lover to participate in something, especially dark or dangerous, not knowing a thing about it yourself will surely have her hesitating.
2. You know it’s way out there, dangerous or risky.
The kink spectrum is vast and also interpreted differently by different people. Handcuffs to a bedpost may seem almost vanilla to some BDSM enthusiasts while that may be as far as others will ever go.
If you’re into breath play or edge play—autoerotic asphyxiation, electrostimulation, knife play—you don’t want to throw that out there unless you know that the person your with is already into similar kinks.
3. You’ve met on a mainstream dating site, or still haven’t met in person.
Most online daters spend a few days or weeks even exchanging messages to find out if it’s worth the bother of meeting up in person. And why not, it’s one of the perks of online dating.
If not sharing your kink or fetish is a deal breaker, then you probably should put it in your dating profile. I recommend joining a niche dating site like BDSMdate.com that focuses on connecting those with specific BDSM kinks, where you’re less likely to scare someone away.
4. You’re on your first date, but there has been no sexual flirting.
Whether you’ve met online or at a bar the week before, a first date is about finding out if you’re compatible, and not just in the bedroom. Can you communicate? Can you have a laugh together? Do you have similar values?
You need some kind of chemistry or connection that will open things up to sharing more personal tastes, such as what you want to try with your clothes off. Take your time, and be patient.
5. Your new partner is kinky, but the trust isn’t there.
Some kinks demand a lot of trust between lovers. You may want to tie a woman up and leave her for a few hours, but do you really think someone you’ve only been dating a few weeks is going to let you do this? Not likely. Or maybe you want to put your balls in a vice and have her slowly turn the crank, but your not sure if she’ll want to keep turning.
Take your time to ease into your kinks, building trust along the way.
6. You’re not comfortable with sexual rejection.
It takes courage to speak our sexual truths. We don’t want to be laughed at, or judged, or shunned (sadly, some of these or all of these have happened to the majority of us kinksters.)
Rejection is not easy for anyone, but it can really affect some people’s self esteem and keep them from dating or putting themselves in vulnerable positions for long periods of time afterwards. If this sounds familiar, be very careful about who you share your sexual desires with. Trust your intuition about who to open up to, and when.
Do you have a story about sharing your kinks? Please leave a comment!
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