Just the Tips

New to Kink? Exploring Kinks When Curious but Shy

Woman in Lace Blindfold and Handcuffs

Are you new to kink? Do you have kinky thoughts that you want to act on but that you find intimidating? Maybe you were raised in a religious household, where sex for any purpose other than procreation was considered dirty? Or maybe you’re a inexperienced, and shy about sex?

Whatever the reason for your reservations, there are steps you can take (at your own pace) to unlock the joys of your kink-filled fantasies.

There’s no shame in having and exploring kinky desires! It’s part of what makes you human. Once you relax into things, you’ll find you’re not alone. There are plenty of people out there who want the same things you want, and would love nothing more than to help you unlock your inner kinkster.

How to Try Kink When You’re New or Shy

Research Your Kinks

Google is your friend when it comes to exploring kinks. Start with specific key words, then use those findings to broaden your search. Go as deep or shallow as you wish. Wikipedia is a great resource for beginners learning about kink and its many facets.

You might be surprised to discover that your desires are not only common, but part of a larger family of kinks. There are online communities devoted to just about any fetish you can think of. Find yours and start making connections.

Curious about BDSM? Check out our list of 50 types of BDSM play for information and inspiration.

Make a Kinky Wish List

Think of all the kinky things you want to do with a partner, once you feel comfortable and ready to play. Let research inform your list, but honor your personal desires and instincts above all else. Break it down into stages: start with silk scarves, graduating to limb spreaders, and ball gags down the line.

Share your wishes, or keep them private if you’re shy. Revise your list or add to it as you see fit—the choice is yours. A big part of kink is psychological. Putting your desires down on paper is a great way to build anticipation.

Watch Kinky Porn

Once you have a handle on what you want, search for porn that caters to your kink. Watch it alone or with a partner, making a mental note of the parts that turn you on most. If you stumble upon a video that’s too much for you in the moment, move on to something milder with the understanding that you can revisit the other video later.

There’s no need to rush into things when you’re new to kink and BDSM. In fact, taking your time and allowing yourself to open naturally to your fantasies will give you more pleasure in the long run. It’s all about trust, in both yourself and your partner.

Have Solo Kink Play Sessions

Connect with your body and build self-trust through masturbation. Some kinks require a partner, but plenty don’t. Even fantasizing about partnered sex is a way to connect to your inner yearnings. Get comfortable with yourself and your kinky thoughts, and before long you’ll be ready to express them fully and without hesitation.

See our article, Solo BDSM: 5 Ways to Play Alone.

Fill your toybox with the tools you need to get off. Build on it as you start to explore with partners, learning and growing until you’re completely comfortable with your desires.

How did you begin exploring your kinks? Please share your story or tips in the comments!

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