One of the most frequent questions asked of us by new initiates to the BDSM scene or those seeking to understand the lifestyle of a couple engaged in a power exchange is: How do I become a submissive?
At first it seems to be a very simple and straight-forward question, posed in earnest by someone looking for knowledge of the self and the community around it. However, when one takes a more mindful approach, and contemplates the deeper meaning of the emotions at play, it becomes much more clear why so many lengthy books have been written about this subject by psychologists, sociologists, anthropologists and practitioners of BDSM in their own lives.
Being a submissive is far from the physical realm of capitulation that is all too often captured on camera by voyeurs and part-time hobbyists. Those physical acts of humiliation, degradation, endurance and sexual dominance are tethered together by a common purpose – to enable the self to relinquish control consensually. There is not now, nor has there ever been, such a thing as a nonconsensual submissive. In fact, submission is understood by many to be the most power form for consent, the open and voluntary substitution of the judgement of another with complete confidence and trust of their care as a proper support and guide.
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At the root of the question, a wise initiate would do well to ask the corollary question: Why do I want to be a submissive? Knowing how is only possible as a map along a dark road, once the correct direction has already been established. Is it as a way to heal some psychic wound, a method of displaying your inner power, the key to proving your convictions of love? If there is any hope of evolving the self into something greater, it must begin with an honest exploration of the self as it is presently constituted.
How each submissive comes to their own destiny is as varied as the starting points initiates use to begin the journey. The key is to find a responsible, knowledgeable, experienced and perceptive guide to coax you, comfort you and call out the very best of you. Hence the unparalleled significance of taking care to choose the right Dom.
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