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How to Bring Out Your New Lover’s Kinks

Woman Taking Off Sexy Panties

It happens all the time—you meet someone you’re attracted to at school or work and then have to somehow divulge your kinks to her, and hope that she’ll be game to explore her kinky side… or at least yours.

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Even if you usually use kinky dating sites in hopes of avoiding this particular situation and finding a person looking for exactly the fetish play you want, it’s only natural to sometimes find yourself attracted emotionally or sexually to someone you spend a lot of time with or meet in other venues.

So how do you bring out her kinky side, or get her to be comfortable with yours?

Don’t assume she doesn’t have fetishes and kinks.

Just because you meet a woman outside of kinky dating sites or fetish clubs, it doesn’t mean she isn’t kinky.

Most people have vivid sexual fantasies. While they may or may not be extreme and they may or may not match yours exactly, when the chemistry is right most of us enjoy pushing our boundaries and having exciting new experiences.

Remember, it’s not all about you.

If you want to be with a woman, whether for a kinky casual hookup or for a possible relationship, consider worrying less about your wants and more about hers.

That doesn’t mean going forever without fulfilling your sexual needs. But whether your fetish is for BDSM or pussy pumping, it might be able to wait. Let your first sex dates be about what she wants. This is a wonderful way to ensure variety in your sex life and not get into a routine, however kinky that routine is. Try out what your partners enjoy before worrying about the stuff you already know gets you off.

Be honest, but tactful.

Don’t text a message to reveal that you have three sex slaves handcuffed in a dungeon somewhere or that you jerk off twice a day in your sister’s sneakers, but don’t wait until she thinks you’re a monogamous vanilla kind of guy either.

Bring up your sexual practices and needs at a tactful time so that you can both make informed decisions about pursuing sex together.

Ask her straight up.

You know I’m a huge advocate of tactful directness. On your date or in bed, there’s nothing wrong and everything right with saying, “I’m really enjoying our time together. The sex is intense because I’m so attracted to you. I’d love to hear about any kinky fantasies you have and how I can make them happen for you. I’d love to share mine too.”

Inexperience isn’t forever.

Just because someone hasn’t experienced a particular fantasy or fetish doesn’t mean that she never will. We might really want to try some things but have never met the right partner to experience them with.

Of course, you don’t want to cajole a woman into something kinky if she isn’t interested, but take it from a woman who loves sex that an opportunity to explore new experiences with someone I’m attracted to is, well, a wet dream.

Shop for sex toys together.

Here’s a great way to generate honest, open discussion that is candid. By looking at various sex toys and gadgets together, you’ll both benefit. You’ll be able to see quite easily what she’s really curious about, what she’s experienced in, and what she’s disgusted by. And she’ll get a sense of all of that from you.

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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