If you’re in a BDSM community or just beginning to explore kinky sexual practices, you’ll know how important trust is in your relationships. Most of us aren’t going to let someone we’ve just met tie us up and do what they want without a foundation of mutual trust.
5 Ways to Build Trust in Kinky Relationships
1. Share Fantasies
The more we reveal our interior world to our kinky partner, the more vulnerable we are. The scrutiny we are under when we share the most private parts of ourselves is frightening and exhilarating. It’s also the exact way in which trust is built—brick by brick, fantasy by fantasy.
2. Share Negative Experiences and Impressions
It can be easier to cop to hot memories and forbidden fantasies that turn us on, rather than revealing our private fears and bad experiences, but sharing our deep dark secrets is part of any intimate journey.
Confessing with sincere insight the ways we have done things wrong with our families or friends or kinky relationships, showing the ways we have changed or grown after dark experiences, and confessing our secret fears and lingering pain gives us access to the healing power of the other.
3. Prioritize Each Other
Once you have moved away from casual hookups, where you treat another person with respect but owe them very little, and you enter into a committed relationship, it’s not just about gratification and what you want anymore. Nor is it mostly about common interests, whether gardening or Japanese bondage.
To build trust and security in a kinky relationship, put the other person first, not you and not the fetishes you enjoy together. The incredibly deep sexual fulfillment you provide each other is the benefit of putting each other first, not a side effect.
4. Push Your Sexual Boundaries Together
Bonds are made and trust is built from the fabric of shared experiences. In a sexual relationship, shared physical pleasure and emotional safety together enhances trust in each other and healthy interdependence.
Kinky sex employs a diverse world of imagination, ritual, props, and fantasies. It offers couples a bounty of ways to explore pleasure together. When you build new experiences—push beyond fears and repressions, tackle emotional barriers, and liberate the mind and soul through sex—trust is built on an amazing platform of pleasure and discovery.
5. Accept Each Other as You Are
Whenever you have trouble with a person’s ways—moods, friends, family, past, or any other part of them—think about accepting them as they are.
Anxiety about if and when someone will change, or how you will handle something you don’t like, dissipates when you understand that the best course of action is to accept it.
I’m not talking about the early stages of romance, when you’re deciding whether a person is right for you or whether you have enough in common sexually or in life values to sustain a partnership. But once you make that decision, accept the fact that your partner is human and comes as a complete package with baggage.
I’m not talking about abusive traits or toxic social influences that need to be changed, I’m talking about understanding the full humanity of a person, and how that comes with plenty of things you disagree with or don’t like.
If you can accept difficult things about each other, you will find it easy to build trust and motivation to work out the things that bother each other, or limit them to ways they don’t have to impact the other negatively.
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