You have discovered that the world of whips and chains excites you. You want to be spanked. You want to dress in lady’s panties and be sent to your playpen when you’re bad.
Meet kinky women now at BDSMdate.com!
Yet while the rest of us are free to indulge our kinky dreams, you quietly rub one out into a Kleenex, then turn off the computer and retire to bed, where your vanilla wife is already sound asleep.
Long-term relationships are all about finding ways to live with our differences—not about finding someone exactly like us.
If you’ve been convinced that the only solutions are to suffer in silence, or to get divorced, you’re not thinking of the most obvious: tell her about it.
Here’s how to deal.
Make it short and to the point. No need for drama.
The daunting task of telling your leading lady that you like it rough isn’t really as epic as it feels. Keep it honest and get to the point.
“Honey, I’ve always dreamed about you head to toe in black leather, tying me up. Could we talk about making that happen?”
Reassure her that you prioritize the relationship.
If a woman feels like your sex fantasy is just an excuse to get away, she won’t care about indulging you.
Tell her the relationship is your priority. Remind her that it’s her who turns you on. You don’t want to leave, and aren’t going to. In fact, you aren’t even thinking about it. What you are thinking about is spanking her with a ping pong paddle until she’s screaming for your cock up her ass.
Reward her for her efforts.
A partner is more willing to indulge our kinks if they don’t feel judged, rushed, or discouraged for not doing it right. Appreciate the efforts she makes. Maybe she can’t jump right into decking out the basement like a dungeon and whipping you raw.
Show how much you appreciate the steps she’s taken. Letting her find out she’s turned on by some things is the best way to proceed. Let her try things out at her own pace, with you gently showing her what you need.
Reward may simply mean being attentive and loving and understanding. You’re in this together, not at war.
Kink is a two-way street.
If her fantasy is being plowed for ten minutes missionary style when the kids are at Grandma’s, then man up and please her.
But as your relationship is now more open and honest, you will probably find out her fantasies are not so tame!
Remember your rights.
Always keep in mind that you committed yourself to this woman and be attentive, grateful, and considerate. But remember, a long-term relationship or marriage is her responsibility too.
It’s not just you who has to put up with, give up, compromise, or bend.
You can’t expect her to surprise you with a secret life as a hardcore dominatrix (though this has happened!) But nor can you or should you expect NOTHING.
She married you. You do have the right to some efforts on her part to accept and please you.
Don’t be an asshole about this or force her into anything she doesn’t want to do. Don’t pull this card every time you fight. But it is something to bring up in discussion.
It’s not all about her. It is half about you.
Tell us what you think