I often find it difficult to navigate around kinky desires in a new relationship. How do you tell someone what really turns you on, or share something you would like to try for the first time? When I was younger I just didn’t. I was too shy, and too afraid that they would think I was strange. Well, getting older and having more experiences brought confidence, and now it’s not so hard to talk to new lovers about my needs and desires. I figure if we’re not a good match sexually from the get-go, then it’s best not to waste my time and theirs. Here are a few tips to help you talk about kink in a new relationship.
1. Timing is important. You probably don’t want to talk about bondage on a first date, or share that time your ex zipped you into a body bag for 24 hours. I’ve made the mistake of misjudging how vanilla (or kinky) a new partner is and sharing TMI early on. Get to know your new lover and if you’re the patient type, follow their lead and level of disclosure.
2. Be open and playful. Once you know your hard limits (things you definitely don’t want to try) you can feel more comfortable in exploring you and your lover’s sexual desires. Sometimes we can’t imagine enjoying something kinky until we try it. And having a sense of humor about things helps to take any pressure off that you might be feeling.
3. Watch porn together. This is an easy way to find out what turns your partner on, and off! If they love watching threesomes or babysitter/dad scenes, this may be something they’d like to try themselves in the bedroom.
4. Share your toys. Most of us have a few sex toys, especially ones that we like to use when we’re single. It might seem risky to whip out your handcuffs or riding crop with a new lover, but you’ll also find out fast if they’re going to be a compatible play partner.
Find great sex toys at the Kink Lovers Store!
How do you bring up your fetishes and fantasies in a new relationship?o
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