You love BDSM and kinky hookups, but how far should you go the first time with someone new?
Sharing fantasies and kinks on a first date isn’t strictly prohibited, but it can sometimes hurt your chances of acting them out with your possible new lover or partner.
Do first dates go the down-and-dirty kink route sometimes? Absolutely! I can testify to that! But more often than not, a woman who you’ve only been flirty with via a dating site, is only interested in finding out if you are compatible for what she’s looking for, casual sex or otherwise.
Kink and BDSM Practices to Avoid on the First Date
Here’s some kinks that men shared with me on a first date, which coincidentally was our last.
Bondage
I’m not going to let a virtual stranger tie me up, sorry. It’s just too risky being a woman (or a man, for that matter). And I like experimenting with restraints, but only with a man I trust… and that takes more than one date.
Crossdressing
I’ve got nothing against a man who likes to don a wig and panties from time to time, but it was a bit much to see on a first date, especially because it came out of left field. The guy hadn’t written this on his kink dating profile which was also surprising.
Nipple Clamps
Again, sorry, but I’m not letting a new person who I’ve just me get off by pinching my nipples. It’s not that dissimilar if a woman revealed her CBT fetish on a first date, and asked if she could clamp your nut sac in a vice.
Unprotected Sex
Some men actually call unprotected sex a fetish, and who am I to judge, but I don’t know any woman who would do this with a new lover. Just know that all the stories and explanations for why you don’t want or like to use a condom have been heard a million times over.
Building a foundation of trust for sexual exploration is essential, so think about your kinks before you share.
Tips for BDSM on the First Date
If it’s clear from the start that both parties are into BDSM, chances are there’ll be an unspoken testing-of-the-waters throughout the night. Each of you will be wondering about the other’s threshold and limits.
It’s only once you gauge your date’s response that you’ll know whether or not to escalate.
Ideally, both parties will be comfortable, confident, and experienced enough to know how to broach certain subjects before hooking up. But kink and BDSM can be tricky for new hookups. Guys might feel self-conscious about suggesting their desires for fear that they might be considered weird.
But remember: nothing is weird if both of you are into it.
If you’re a gambling man, you will likely roll the dice each and every time, letting your kinks out of the bag. And yes, this might save time in finding a woman who is down with what your are, but slowing your kink roll will open up more possibilities to produce something deeper in the long run.
How do you introduce your kinks or BDSM play with someone new?
Tell us what you think